


Mission Zero

by thievinghippo



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M, Past Torture, References to Depression, just the fallout from that, never described though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-06-26 10:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15661488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thievinghippo/pseuds/thievinghippo
Summary: For five years, Felix Iresso dreamed of freedom. He dreamed ofher.Now that his dream is reality, nothing is as he expects. The only way for Felix to move forward is to leave his well-trod path behind. But how?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned on writing a fic going over the five years of separation, like I had for other characters. However, when we found out that Felix was basically tortured for five years, I decided to focus on his recovery instead.

The setting is perfect.

A reasonably warm day with fluffy white clouds overhead and the _Defender_ in the backdrop. V’ryss’ blue hair gently blowing in the wind, looking as beautiful as in all his dreams. A declaration of love spoken between the two of them. According to all the vids Felix’s watched over the years, they finally found their happily ever after.

And Felix thinks he’s going to throw up.

V’ryss is saying something and he can’t focus enough to hear the words she’s speaking. All he knows is suddenly it’s too much. The wide open space around him, the lingering feeling of V’ryss’s lips pressed up against his own, the blaster rifle strapped to his back. It’s too much. It’s too much and he can’t breathe.

He drops down on his haunches, head between his knees, hands behind his head. He needs to _breathe._

“Felix!” V’ryss says, getting down on one knee across from him.

He’s practically hyperventilating now and the more he tries to stop, the worse it gets.

“Felix Iresso, look at me,” V’ryss says as sharp as any of his old drill sergeants and not sounding like herself at all. It does the trick, though, and at her command, Felix looks up and meets her eyes. “Breathe with me.”

Five minutes ago he was on the top of the world. And now he wants to dig himself a hole and never come out. She’s treating him like a child and what makes Felix even angrier is that it’s working. He’s watching her breathe, her red eyes steady on him. Takes longer than he likes, but he doesn’t feel like his chest is closing up on him any longer.

V’ryss reaches out for his hands but he doesn’t want to be touched. Which is ridiculous. They kissed not too long ago. They should be sneaking onto the _Defender_ right night to have sex for the first time since she disappeared. Instead he jerks his hands away feeling like an idiot.

“I should have asked first,” V’ryss says softly. “I’m sorry, Felix.”

“It’s okay,” Felix says finally. He forces a mask over his face and in his voice. Showing weakness is the last thing he wants, because then they both might see just how helpless he is right now. “Just a little jumpy, I guess.”

“What do you need?” she asks. Her voice is calm. Serene. Like it always was in his dreams.

The question makes him think of the weight on his back. He’s not quite sure why they gave him a blaster rifle, especially being only one day out of a torture camp. Back after the holocron was put in his head, the Republic wouldn’t let him have a weapon for almost a month. He doesn’t want the blaster, not even if it’s a top of the line model. “Can you take this blaster off me?”

“Of course,” V’ryss says at once, standing up. Only a couple of seconds later and he can feel her fingers nimbly unlatching the seals to remove the blaster. “I’m going to put it on the ground next to you.”

Without the rifle, he already feels lighter. “Thank you,” he says.

“You’re welcome.” She moves across from him so they’re looking right at each other. “Why don’t I have some dinner brought to my quarters?” V’ryss asks and she’s using that voice of hers, the one where she’s trying to appear completely in control but she knows she’s not. Least he still recognizes her different voices. “There’s plenty of room for us both and we can just relax for a bit.”

“Any chance we can make it there without a hundred people staring at me?” Felix asks. He knows military bases and he’s well aware he’s gonna be gossiped about for days. He’d rather not give them any fuel for the fire.

“That can be arranged,” V’ryss says and this time he can hear the happiness in her voice. Good. She deserves to be happy. Not sure how he’ll be able to make her happy any more, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try.

As they walk, he tries to take in the scope of the base. It’s huge and bustling and the energy is electric. He’s heard a bit of the story from the ride over here, how V’ryss killed the Empress of Zakuul and then had to take control of the Eternal Throne to keep them from destroying the galaxy. Seems a little far-fetched, but he’s always believed the impossible when it comes to V’ryss. He’s still got a lot of unanswered questions and he might as well try to get some of the answers now.

“So you’re basically the leader of the galaxy now?” he asks.

V’ryss bites her lip and looks away. “I’m not, no. I’m the commander of the Eternal Alliance, but right now we’re still trying to figure out exactly what that means. I only took took control of the throne a week ago. It’s been a very hectic week.”

“And then they dump me right on top of you,” Felix says. The last thing he wants to be is a burden. He’ll have to figure out some way to earn his keep with the Alliance, other than being the commander’s boyfriend. “Sorry about that.”

She stops walking and Felix sees her hand twitch, like she’s keeping herself from reaching out for him. “Seeing you here in front of me…” V’ryss wraps her arms around herself. “You mean everything to me, Felix. I don’t think it’s possible to put into words how happy I am that you’re here.”

That helps, hearing her say that. She loves him, well she loves the man he used to be. Hopefully she’ll love the man he is now as well. Whoever that is. “Thank you,” he says softly, still kicking himself that he doesn’t want to reach out for her. But for some damn reason, he can’t make himself.

And before he knows it, they’re alone in her room. Definitely nicer than her room on the _Defender_. His chest tightens at the sight of the bed, which they should be on, together. But that’s the last thing he wants right now.

“Felix, I’m just going to say this now to get it out of the way,” V’ryss says quietly. “After what you’ve been through, I think it would be helpful if you spoke to someone, like you did after you were rescued from Imperial space.”

He freezes at the thought. Of course she thinks talking is the answer. It’s always the answer with her. He’d like to see her try talking her way out of being tortured. “I don’t think I’m ready,” he says, practically snapping the words out.

“It doesn’t have to be right now,” V’ryss says, her voice calm. “But at some point, I think it would help.”

Instead of answering, he plops down on the sofa, which only reminds him just how tied he is. He could curl up and sleep for days.

“Felix?” V’ryss asks quietly.

“I’m just…” He tries to think of an excuse to get away that won’t sound like one. “I’m exhausted.”

“Of course you are,” V’ryss says. “You’re welcome to stay here, of course.” Maybe there’s something on his face because he can almost hear her switch tactics. “But my hours are so hard to predict at the moment and perhaps a regular schedule is what you need right now.”

Felix looks over at her, and already the anger’s dulling a bit. She’s not wrong. The idea of getting up at the same time every day, eating meals at the same time, working out at the same time, seems like an absolute luxury after the last five years.

“We have small private rooms, for the advisors and important guests. We can get you set up in one very easily,” V’ryss says and Felix again wonders how he could have ever deserved her.

“It’s not that I don’t want…” He trails off, not sure how to explain.

But because she’s her, V’ryss understands. She sits down on the low table across where he’s sitting on the sofa. Close, but not uncomfortably so. “Felix, I know,” she says and he feels himself relaxing a bit because she _does_ know. “You’re here. You’re safe. We have all the time in the galaxy.”

He stands, wanting to get into that promised room and into bed sooner rather than later. What she says sounds good, though. Time. Something only twenty-four hours ago, he wasn’t sure he’d ever have again.

#

The room is too damn quiet.

Felix sits up on the side of the bed, running a hand over his hair as he tries to figure out just what is wrong. He’s on a comfortable mattress for the first time in almost five years. His stomach is full. He’s hydrated. He’s _safe._ V’ryss is just a short walk away. He should be sleeping like a baby tonight.

But he’s never felt more awake in his life.

He could go to V’ryss’s room; he knows she’d welcome him, even just to talk. But he doesn’t want to bother her. She needs her sleep more than he needs to be comforted.

So he stands up and starts to pace the small room he’s been given. It’s a bland room with no personality at all. Right now, it suits him just fine. Eventually he’s sure he’ll move in with V’ryss, but right now, he just needs some time. He needs to remember what it’s like to try to fall asleep in a place where he can’t hear other people screaming.

Felix makes the mistake of stopping in front of the chest of drawers in the room. There’s a small mirror on top and he’s not wearing a shirt. Maybe this is the real reasons he’s not ready to share a room.

Scar criss-cross up and down his torso, scars from various procedures and torture sessions. She’s only seen the scar on his forehead and he didn’t have the heart to tell her about the other ones. The scars are coarse and ugly and if he had any sense, he’d walk right into the base’s medical center and get them all removed. But he can’t stand the thought of losing the physical reminder of everything he went through these past five years.

He needs _something_ to prove to himself that everything just wasn’t inside his head, like they tried to tell him sometimes. The scars are a reminder, even more than the tattoos that scroll down the right side of his body.

It was _real_.

#

“Hey there, Qyzen,” Felix says as the Trandoshan sits down across the table from him. He’s been on Odessen for a week now, staying in his tiny room and forcing himself to find a reason to leave, other than getting food, every day. Some days are harder than others. Some days he just wants to stay under his blankets and pretend the world outside his bed doesn’t exist. But he’s trying.

He and sleep are finally friends again, though the nightmares haven’t gone away. Somehow, he doubts they will go away anytime soon.

“Good to see Herald’s mate,” Qyzen says.

Felix nods and forces himself not to wince at Qyzen’s words. He’s not exactly avoiding V’ryss, but he’s not rushing to spend time with her, either. They still spend a little time together every day and message a lot, too. But it’s nothing like it was on the _Defender_ where they spent all of their free time together. Plus they still haven’t touched since that one reunion kiss _._ Some mate he is.

He’s not even sure why he’s not spending every minute he can with her. Lingering anger, maybe? It seems like he’s angry all the damn time lately. Even found himself getting angry at some of the people who rescued him, because they saw him at his absolute worst, naked and strapped to a table. Mad at the Alliance for not finding him more quickly. But most of his anger is reserved for the Republic and he’s not sure if that will ever change.

“Thanks,” Felix says, pushing his fork around his plate without actually eating anything. He’s got to start eating more. For someone who considers himself a tank, he’s always been on the slimmer side. And after five years of gruel and vitamins, he’s thinner than he’s ever been and it’s not a good look on him. Reminds him too much of the refugee camps when he was a kid. No one had enough to eat then. But physician who looked him over a few days ago was kind and prescribed some protein powder to use in a shake once a day. The taste is awful and he already resents it, but if it does it’s job, he’ll deal.

“May I join you both?” V’ryss says.

Felix gestures towards the seat next to Qyzen, which she takes, setting her tray down on the table. It’s been almost twenty-four hours since they’ve seen each other and she doesn’t look like she’s slept at all during that time. A wave of guilt crashes over him. Back on the _Defender_ , he made it his unofficial job to make sure she was taken care of, that she didn’t skip meals or try to go too long without sleep. Maybe he can try to work his way back into that roll somehow.

They talk about inconsequential things, not about the Alliance and how it’s setting itself up as an actual government. He’s not sure how he feels about that. No one elected the Alliance. Planets joined because they wanted to, not because they wanted to give up their sovereignty. But Felix hasn’t had the nerve to bring that up with V’ryss. She’s got enough to worry about.

Felix looks over at Qyzen when there’s a lull in the conversation and maybe he’s forgotten how to read Trandoshan facial expressions over the past five years, but he swears that Qyzen looks concerned, worried even. Not only that, Qyzen is leaning forward and his nostrils are working over time. Finally Qyzen looks over at V’ryss. “All is well, Herald?”

“All is very well, Qyzen, thank you,” V’ryss says, not sounding ruffled by Qyzen’s behavior at all.

“Warstalkers are in need of training,” Qyzen says, standing up. “Herald’s mate is welcome to join.”

The last thing Felix wants to do is train with a bunch of Trandoshans. “Thanks. I’m still working my way back. Maybe later.”

Qyzen nods and walks away from the table. All Felix can think about is his nose. “Okay, that was weird,” he says once he’s sure Qyzen is out of earshot. “That was weird, right?”

V’ryss puts her hand on her cheek as she smiles. For a moment, she looks like the V’ryss he met on Hoth almost ten years ago, back when she only had the entire Republic depending on her. Not the entire galaxy. She looks younger, a little softer. Still beautiful. “A little weird, yes.”

“I think he was smelling us,” Felix says with a laugh. An actual laugh. He can’t remember the last time he laughed, which of course, sobers him right up. “What do you think that was about?”

“Based on his question, I think he was asking if we’re still together,” V’ryss says. Her elbows are on the table as she rests her chin on her hands. “Trandoshans are able to smell pheromones pretty easily. He knew we were together back on the _Defender_ without me actually telling him.”

Felix thinks about that for a moment. “So our pheromones aren’t in sync anymore?” he asks. Somehow he doesn’t like the sound of that. At all.

“You’ve only been back a week, Felix. Our pheromones just need some time to get to know each other again,” V’ryss says with a slight smile.

And just like that, his anger is back, becoming a vice pressing down on his chest. Of all the things to get him upset. Pheromones? _Pheromones?_ “I think I need to be alone for a little bit,” he says, biting the inside of his cheek to try to drain some of the anger away.

“Of course,” V’ryss says without hesitation. She grabs her tray and stands. “May I message you later?”

Felix nods, feeling like an absolute asshole. With everything she’s got to deal with, basically leading the _galaxy,_ here she is, trying to treat him with as much understanding and patience as she can. With respect. It’s almost smothering, the way she’s showing just the perfect amount of support. Which is the most ridiculous thing to think but the thought’s in his head and now it won’t leave.

He’s mad at his girlfriend because she’s being supportive. He doesn’t want to get much lower than this.

“Vee, wait,” Felix says.

V’ryss is still near their table and she turns back to him the moment he speaks. “I’m here,” she says and he can hear her voice bordering on hope.

Felix grabs the sides of his food tray and stares down at it like it has all the answers in the galaxy. It doesn’t. Nothing does. He doesn’t want to be angry at his girlfriend, the love of his life. He doesn’t want to be angry at the Alliance for rescuing him. He doesn’t want to be angry with the galaxy for leaving him behind. And yet, he’s furious with everything right now.

Anger is a slippery slope and if there’s one thing he does not want in this life, is to be like Milo. If swallowing his pride keeps him from that path, it will be worth it.

“I think you’re right,” he says finally. He takes a breath and looks up at V’ryss. Just looking at her face helps calm him down. “I think I need to talk to someone.”

“Okay,” V’ryss says quietly. She’s gripping her tray so tightly he can see her knuckles turning lighter. “Would you like me to set it up?”

Be so easy to say yes and let her handle the details. Just another thing for her to do. She’s going to have an afternoon of meetings and conferences and he’s got an afternoon full of nothing. He can do this. He _can._ “How ‘bout this?” he asks as he stands. “Why don’t you walk me to the med center?”

V’ryss smiles and the vice around his chest loosens enough to let him breathe.


	2. Chapter 2

Felix is sitting on his bed, staring at his hands, when there’s a knock on the door.

“Open,” he calls out, already knowing who it is. V’ryss is the only one who visits, which suits him just fine. He doesn’t mind eating in the cafeteria and talking to whoever’s around him. But other than that? He’s been content to let the galaxy leave him alone.

A month has passed since he’s been on Odessen. He’s got to admit he likes the place, especially the wilderness. The energy of the place is contagious. Anyone at the base is there because they want to be. Because they were willing to put their lives on hold and try to make the galaxy a better place. Being a part of that, even one the fringes like he is, helps a lot. Let’s him feel like he’s a part of something again.

Which he desperately needs.

V’ryss walks in, looking tired, but he’s pretty sure she’s hardly getting any sleep these days. Felix thinks back to the _Defender_ , how they would easily fall asleep in each other’s arms after a hard day of work. He misses sleeping next to her. But he’s also not ready to join her in bed. Not yet.

“Finally heard back from the Republic,” Felix says, gesturing towards his holopad. It’s a top of the line model they gave him. Protected security and more features than he can ever use. And he mainly uses it to watch vids. He’s been trying desperately to find another copy of “Squad 223: Mission Zero,” but he hasn’t had any luck. But there are plenty of other vids to watch. He’s got five years of catching up to do.

“You did?” V’ryss asks, sitting down at the foot of the bed, a respectful distance between them. “I’m almost scared to ask what they say. Any chance of backpay?”

Felix chuckles. “Nah, you know the army is full of cheap bastards,” he says, handing V’ryss the holopad with the message. “They want me back, though. Say they need experience soldiers in these complicated times. And they don’t come right out and say it, but I think they’re hoping I’ll spill the dirt on you.”

“Of course they do,” V’ryss says, looking at the holopad. She’s silent for a moment, in that intense Jedi way of hers. The type of silence that tends to make everyone else around her be silent, too. And in those silent moments, Felix tends to have big thoughts. “Have you… Have you decided what you want to do? You know I’ll support you no matter your decision.”

“I know,” Felix says. And he does. It’s nice to have something to be so sure of.

He turns to look at her and every time he does, he’s amazed at just how young she looks. Him? He’s aged twenty years in the last five. He was already older than V’ryss by more than a decade when they met, thanks to the odd way Chiss age. Now he doesn’t even want to think about how much old he looks than her. All because she was locked away in carbonite, taking a force nap while he was being tortured.

Felix looks away, trying to dislodge the anger overwhelming him. It’s not her fault. She would have saved him if she knew, just like he wanted to save her. But it still doesn’t change the thoughts in his head. He thinks back to the one session he’s had with one of the therapists on the base, a miralukan named Q’Lara. She kept saying anger is normal and he needs to accept that he’s angry and figure out why.

But he knows why he’s angry and he’s still not sure now to deal with it. But it’s probably stupid to think he’ll be right in the head after a couple of sessions. Guess it’s a good thing he signed up for weekly ones.

“I’d like to stay with the Alliance,” Felix says. Even if he’s angry with the Alliance sometimes, he knows he can trust them, as long as they’re following V’ryss. “I’m not sure what I can do to earn my keep, so to speak. But I’d like to try.”

V’ryss smiles and that anger he had? Gone. “We’ll figure out something, if that’s what you want.”

“Yeah, it is,” Felix says with a nod. He’s got some skills, other than being a meat shield, and he won’t mind putting them to use.

“Good.” She looks down at the floor and bunches the fabric of her jacket in her fists. Felix waits, knowing she’s about to spring something on him. That’s her classic ‘I have to tell you something’ pose. He’s kinda glad he remembers. “I don’t have time to really talk, I’m afraid,” she says and he knows just by the sound of her voice that she’d much rather be here in his room than what she’s dealing with. “I have to leave the base for a bit.”

“Where to?” Felix asks quietly. He doesn’t like the thought of her being gone or of him being on this base without her.

“A planet called Iokath,” V’ryss says. “There’s a weapon there. A super weapon. Both the Republic and the Imperial Empire are there trying to claim it. I’m needed to try to sort things out.”

“Back to the negotiating table?” Felix asks, thinking of all those meetings she held with the Rift Alliance.

V’ryss lets out a breath. “If I could drag them both to the table, I absolutely would. But our scouts on the planet say that both sides are prepped for war.” She stands and puts her hands on her temples. “The galaxy just ended a war that cost of the lives of millions. I wish people weren’t so anxious to start another one.”

“If anyone can stop them, it’s you,” Felix says and he means it. Far as he’s concerned, she’s the brightest hope this galaxy has.

“Thank you,” V’ryss says and he can hear the gratitude in her voice. “It’s good having you here to believe in me again.”

“I never stopped,” Felix says. It’s true. Even as those sick Zakuulan bastards were doing their worse to him on the torture table, he still never stopped thinking she was alive somewhere out there. And if she was alive, he had no doubt that she was doing good somehow.

V’ryss twists her fingers as a soft smile appears on her face. But as quick as the smile appears, it’s gone. “I guess I wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me,” she says, looking up and meeting his eye. “It’s absolutely your choice. You know I’d never order you to do something you didn’t want to do.”

“I know,” Felix says, and he does. She’s always made sure her people are taken care of. “I think I need more time before I back you up again, Vee. I haven’t fired a blaster rifle since I was captured on Zakuul.”

“I understand,” V’ryss says with a nod.

Felix looks down at his arms. Five years ago he would have been proud to see solid muscle. Now he doesn’t. He hasn’t taken the time to go to the gym since he’s been back. Maybe he should start. Some target practice wouldn’t hurt, either.

“How long will you be gone?” he asks as he stands up off of the bed.

She walks to the door and already he can see there’s more pressure on her shoulders than yesterday. How much is the galaxy asking of her, anyway? “A week, maybe? Maybe more? It’s two days of travel to get there. Then I’m assuming we’ll need at least a couple of days to calm everyone down. Then time again to come home.”

Home. She says the word so easily. The _Defender_ was the last home he had. Before that, he had nothing. Not when he was transferred from one posting to the next. And before that? Refugee camps don’t really count. He wouldn’t go back there for all the credits in the galaxy. Hopefully one day, he’ll be able to see Odessen as home, too. Probably not for a while yet. One day.

“I’ll miss you,” Felix says as he follows her to the door. And he most certainly will. She’s the one constant he’s had since coming to the planet. “Can we still message?”

V’ryss turns around and leans up against the side of the door. “I’d like that. Especially during travel days. Our system is actually pretty good about communicating real time across the galaxy. So we can talk, too. If you want, of course.”

“Wouldn’t mind that at all. It’s good telling you ‘good night’ again,” Felix says.

It’s quiet around them, now, and he knows this is the time he should swoop down for a kiss and whisper a sweet nothing in her ear. Felix used to be the champ of sweet nothings, but right now, nothing is all he’s got. Even if he doesn’t want to kiss, he still wants to do _something_. So he reaches out for her hand and hopes he doesn’t flinch away when they touch.

He doesn’t.

She grips his hand tight, but not too tight. Nothing uncomfortable. And he’s not feeling uncomfortable, either, but that might be because she’s wearing gloves right now. Whatever it is, it feels good to have her hand in his. It feels better than good. It feels right.

“Be safe out there, okay?” Felix says, squeezing her hand.

“I’ll do my best,” V’ryss says. She takes a breath. “I love you, Felix.”

He thinks back to the last time she went off somewhere and he didn’t follow, on Darth Marr’s ship. A thousand times a day after he understood she wasn’t coming back from that trip, he tried to remember the last time he told her he loved her. And Felix was heartbroken to realize he couldn’t remember. He’s not letting that happen again. “I love you, too.”

With a nod, V’ryss palms the console to the door and walks out of the room, leaving Felix alone.

#

“Iresso?”

Felix gives the punching bag one last knee, before turning around towards the voice. He’s been beating the shit out of the bag, as best as he can in his weakened state, and for good reason. V’ryss has been gone for ten days now, and he hasn’t heard from her in more than thirty-six hours. When he couldn’t take her silence anymore and got a hold of Lana Beniko, all she told him was V’ryss had been injured, but she would recover.

An injury shouldn’t keep her from talking to him, so of course his brain’s gone to the extreme, that V’ryss is dead and they’re just waiting to tell him in person. _Fuck_ , he needs to hear from her. And soon. But now someone wants to talk to him, so he pushes the worry aside. For now.

“Yeah, who’s asking?” Felix says. It takes a moment to place the Cathar standing in front of him, someone he assumed he would never see again in this life time. “Lieutenant Jorgan?”

Jorgan nods. “Made it to Major before I managed to piss off the Republic enough for them to kick me out,” he says, holding out his hand. “Good to see you, Sergeant.”

Felix holds out his hand, covered by a boxing mitt. Jorgan taps it with his own fist. “I’ve got my discharge papers. No more ranks for me,” he says.

Jorgan looks at the punching bag. “You working out?”

“Just finishing up,” Felix says. Funny how life works. When he and Jorgan served together, he couldn’t stand the man. Now, seeing someone from his past? Someone who remembers him before what Zakuul’s done to him, is exactly what he needs. “You want to sit down for a minute?”

“I’d like that,” Jorgan says. “Be good to catch up.”

They head to the small sitting area just outside the base gym. No matter the time of day, there are always plenty of water bottles, protein bars, and fresh fruit out for the taking. He grabs a bottle of water and a protein bar while Jorgan grabs a piece of purple fruit Felix doesn’t recognize.

“Cheers,” Jorgan says, holding up his water bottle.

Felix lets out a snort as he taps his own bottle next to Jorgan’s. This was a man who couldn’t take a joke more than twelve years ago. Also a man who Felix assumed would never change. Maybe he was wrong.

“I thought I saw you a couple of days ago, but I wasn’t sure,” Jorgan says after taking a drink of water. “You new to the Alliance?”

Felix raises his brows, surprised at the question. Then again, Jorgan never was never one to listen to gossip. “Thought everyone heard my story by now.” Kinda nice to find probably the one person who hasn’t heard yet.

“I’ve been on Zakuul these past couple of weeks, working with a group trying to become a militia,” Jorgan says with a shrug. “Haven’t really had a chance to catch up yet. Must be a hell of a story if everyone’s heard it.”

“Nah, not that impressive,” Felix says. He tries to to keep his voice light. But Jorgan’s a soldier, he’ll see through the bluster, and hopefully will have the tact not to dig in too deep. It’s what Felix would do if their situation was reversed. “Got caught in a trap on Zakuul five years ago and got myself placed in a POW camp. The Alliance rescued me less than a month ago.”

Jorgan stills and that only tells Felix the man has some experience with those types of camps. “Least you got out. Not everyone’s so lucky.”

Staring down at his hands, Felix thinks of the worst days in camp, the days when he desperately hoped he wouldn’t get out, that he would die right then and there. “Suppose you’re right,” he says.

“Not to belittle what you went through, but why is someone coming to Odessen from a POW camp a big deal?” Jorgan asks, raising a brow. “I can name a half a dozen soldiers off the top of my head who did the same thing.”

Felix takes a sip of water to waste a bit of time. “They’re happy for Vee, that’s all.”

“Are you speaking about the commander?” Jorgan asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “V’ryss? No one calls her that.”

“I’m allowed,” Felix says, trying not to smirk. “The commander’s my girlfriend.”

Recognition crosses Jorgan’s face. “You know, I heard her partner was a Republic soldier who was MIA. Didn’t put two and two together. Definitely good to have you back. She’s missed you a whole hell of a lot.”

Talking about V’ryss sets off a panic in his stomach, worrying if she’s actually recovering from that injury like Beniko said, or if she’s actually worse. There’s absolutely nothing he can do to change what’s already happened, so he tries to push the panic aside. “I missed her a whole hell of a lot, too.”

An awkward silence settles over the table and Felix tries to think of something to say. They served together more than twelve years ago. He can’t remember any personal facts about the man, like if he has a partner or any sort of family. He can’t even remember what Jorgan liked to do off-duty. But if Felix remembers right, Jorgan was one of those officers who never actually let themselves go off duty.

“So now that you’re here, what have you been up to?” Jorgan asks as he starts to cut into his piece of fruit with his claws.

Felix sighs, thinking of everything he's done this past week. What he should do, what he _needs_ to do is get to a practice range and get in some target practice. Then if V’ryss wants him backing her up, he’ll be ready. But somehow he’s always found something else more important to do.

He wrote his sister and she was thrilled to hear from him, since the Republic told her he was dead. Found out she and her wife adopted a toddler a couple of years ago and just like that, Felix has a six-year old nephew. He’s determined to be the best long-distance uncle he can possibly be. Especially since he’s got no idea if kids are in the cards for him and V’ryss down the road.

Took a while to find Milo, but eventually Felix tracked him down. He’s in an institutional facility now and it sounds like he’s getting the help he needs, even after all these years.

He told V’ryss about his sister and Milo but what he didn’t tell her was he searched for the lady doctor, too. For Doctor Sarah Frey. Felix isn’t sure why he did. It’s a box that should have stayed closed and he did himself no favors by trying to pry it open. Not that it really matters. Apparently she was killed during Zakuul’s invasion of Korriban, where she was studying.

So stupid to even look. He thought he was over that, but the past five years gave him a lot to think about. And some thoughts weren’t too kind to that doctor. He probably should bring that up some time during one of his therapy sessions.

The rest of the time he’s been walking and trying to get in some workouts. Not nearly the glamorous life, but it’s better than what he had.

“Not much, to be honest,” Felix says, pleased with how casual the words sound out loud. “Suppose I should try to find to do to pitch in.”

“You know, I was just talking to the quartermaster,” Jorgan says. “He’s looking for some logistical help. You were pretty damn good at logistics if I’m remembering right.”

“Yeah, I was,” Felix says. Back when he and Jorgan served, Felix thought it was the most boring job on Ord Mantell. But Jorgan’s right. He was pretty good at it. And right now? Boring sounds just about perfect. “Thanks, man. I’ll check that out”

Jorgan nods. “Ex-army Pubs need to look out for each other.” He takes a sip of water. “Now let me tell you about the mission I served with the commander.”

“This I’ve got to hear,” Felix says, settling back in his chair. “I want to know everything.”

Conversation comes easy after that.


	3. Chapter 3

He memorizes her message in minutes.

_So sorry for the lack of communication. Healing. Leaving soon._

The weight comes off Felix’s shoulders and he feels like he can take a real breath again. The thought of her being AWOL again or worse… He can’t go through that again. He _can_ _’t._

#

Felix waits for her in the military hangar bay, talking shop with Jorgan. It’s strange to think he’s becoming friends with his old CO, especially considering how Felix remembers him. Stiff and unforgiving. But that Jorgan would never have left the Republic, not even for the Alliance. So something’s changed. Maybe one day they’ll be friends enough to find out.

Around him, people start to straighten up and look busy. Out of the corner of his eye, Felix sees a ship making its way towards the hangar bay and he’s got to assume that’s her ship. He grins, looking at all the people waiting for her arrival. Even back on the _Defender_ , when they were chasing after the First Son, people did that. The Voss commandos and the army of Esh-Ka. They all wanted to make some sort of impression on V’ryss. She always brings out the best in people. Always brought out the best in him.

Maybe she will again some day.

Deciding not to wait, he says his goodbyes to Jorgan and heads down the platform towards the landing ship. More than two weeks have passed since he’s seen her and it feels too long. Ridiculous, he knows, considering he had to go six years without her. Hopefully they won’t have to be apart like that again. He knows she wants to quit field work and stick to diplomacy. But the galaxy seems determined not to keep rotating unless she’s personally involved. Funny how that works.

V’ryss is the first one off the ship and Felix doesn’t deserve the smile on her face when she sees him. “Felix,” she says happily and he can tell just by watching her, she’s struggling not to give him a hug. Just the fact that she’s holding back means a lot. Last thing he wants is for everyone around them watching them.

Just like any military base, Odessen thrives on gossip. Qyzen, of all people, is the one to keep him updated on who’s saying what. Apparently Felix’s arrival ruined the latest rumor: that V’ryss and the former Emperor of Zakuul are an item. Felix hasn’t run across that man and frankly, he’s absolutely fine with that. Just knowing he’s on the base somewhere is bad enough.

Felix offers his arm to V’ryss, a gesture that feels comfortable. Her smile widens as she slips her arm through his. “Thank you,” she says softly. “I missed you.”

He waits for his chest to tighten, for some sign that he doesn’t want to be touched, but nothing happens. “Same here,” Felix says as they start to walk out of the hangar bay. “So. Do you have a million and one debriefs or can you actually try to get a bit of rest?”

With her free hand, V’ryss pulls her hair out of her ponytail, her clear sign she’s off-duty. “I just want to sleep for a million years,” she says and he can hear the exhaustion in her voice. “But I’ll settle for six hours.”

“No chance to meditate?” Felix asks. He watched her meditate a few times back on the _Defender._ Always felt like he was imposing on something too personal to share. But she swears by it.

She casts down her eyes and for a second, Felix thinks she looks ashamed. “I don’t meditate all that much now,” she says. And he’s right. There’s definitely something off about her face. “Felix, I’m not really a Jedi. Not any more. It feels wrong somehow, to still use the techniques I’ve learned.”

“You want to talk about it?” Felix asks. He might not be able to offer all that much advise, but he can listen. That’s something he’s always been good at.

“At some point, I’d like that,” V’ryss says. “But not when I’m so tired.”

They’ve reached her quarters and Felix isn’t sure what to do. He doesn’t want to waltz in there, not when he doesn’t think he’ll be joining her in bed. But then he starts getting angry at himself. Why shouldn’t he join her? Just for a nap?

V’ryss palms the console, opening the door. “Do you want to come in for a bit?” she asks. “Just while I’m winding down?”

“Sure,” Felix says as she lets go of his arm.

They walk inside her room and V’ryss immediately walks to the sofa and plops down, putting her feet up on the coffee table. Felix settles on a nearby chair. A comfortable silence settles over them as he tries to look for injuries. He doesn’t see any marks and she’s not holding anything funny. Best to ask right out instead of letting his imagination run wild. “Are you okay?” he asks, resting his forearms on his knees. “I still don’t like that you were out that long.”

“I know,” V’ryss says, running her fingers through her hair, combing it a bit. “I had a concussion, and I think I have one treatment left, but then I’ll be fine. Honest.” She smiles, a soft, slow smile. “I’ve missed you worrying about me.”

Felix chuckles almost in spite of himself. “Yeah, it doesn’t sound right saying that I’ve missed worrying about you. Doesn’t right saying I haven’t, either,” he says. Her eyes close and he knows if he doesn’t ask some questions soon, she’ll be out. He wants to know what happened on Iokath; he’s only heard bits and pieces and that was second-hand from Jorgan. “So what happened down there?”

Her eyes open and she sits up straight, her hands folded in her lap. “Both the Imperial Empire and the Republic were there, trying to get to a Superweapon,” she says and there’s a dullness in her voice. “I completely failed as a diplomat and I think we’re in an unofficial war with the Imps.”

He lets out a low whistle. “Well, shit. What about the Republic? We at war with them, too?”

V’ryss shakes her head and looks down at her hands. “We’re not, no. I made the decision to ally with them-”

Felix stands up like a blaster bolt. “You what?” he asks, wincing at how loud his voice sounds.

“The Alliance couldn’t deal with things by ourselves, not with enemies on two fronts,” V’ryss says, still staring at her hands. She’s not looking him now and he knows that’s because _she_ knows she’s saying something he won’t like. V’ryss is the type to look someone in the eye when they’re talking about something. Especially when it’s unpleasant. “I made the decision that allying with the Republic was the best solution.”

He starts to pace the room, trying to work off this burst of adrenaline inside. “You allied…” He stops and takes a breath, ignoring how his hands are shaking. “After everything they did to me, you choose _them?_ ”

That catches her attention and she looks up. “Yes,” she says decisively. “I had to make a choice-”

It’s like a blow to his stomach. “How can you trust them after what they they did? They abandoned me, Vee. They left me to rot like yesterday’s garbage.”

V’ryss stands, smoothing the front of her coat with her hands. “I am _very_ aware of what happened, Felix,” she says and he can tell she’s struggling to keep calm. Maybe she’s truly not the Jedi that she was, like she said. The V’ryss he remembers never let anything get under her skin.

She faces him and that’s what gets him to stop pacing. Felix stares at her, wondering if he made a mistake coming to the Alliance after all. If she could ally with the Republic so casually after they left him like that, who else is she willing to ally with? “Oh really. Do you want to hear some of the stories. Cause I’ve got them.”

“You know I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me,” she says, sounding like the woman he knew again. Good to know she’s still in there somewhere.

“How can you trust them after what they did to me?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I don’t,” she says so decisively that he believes her. “I don’t trust them an inch but our other option was the Imperial Empire and I trust them even less.”

He shakes his head, trying to reconcile her words. “Maybe you should have chosen them.”

V’ryss looks at him like she’s never seen him before. “Felix, they’re the ones who put that fucking holocron in your head in the first place,” she says in disbelief. “Why in the galaxy would I ever choose them?”

Felix listens to what she has to say and clearly she’s upset because V’ryss does not swear outside of bed. He listens. He comprehends. And he does the only thing that makes sense.

He starts laughing.

He starts laughing so hard he has trouble breathing. She’s right. She’s absolutely right. The holocron in his head was the Empire’s doing. The Republic might have abandoned him but at least they didn’t experiment on him. He’s still laughing at the thought. The Empire. V’ryss align with the Empire after what they did to him? It’s such a ridiculous idea that he needs to sit down.

“Felix,” V’ryss says and he tries to focus on her voice but he’s too busy laughing.

And that’s when he realizes that he’s crying.

It’s not laughter. It’s him crying so hard that he’s on the verge of hysteria. The closest place to sit down is her bed and so that’s where he goes because his legs are like absolute paste and if he doesn’t sit down he’s gonna collapse on the floor.

Once he’s sitting on the bed, trying to remind himself that he’s safe - he’s with V’ryss and she won’t let anything harm him again if she can help it - he realizes this is what he’s been waiting for. Felix hasn’t cried once since he was rescued and it was starting to bother him. Guess he doesn’t have to worry about that now.

“What can I do to help?” V’ryss asks in almost a whisper.

His head is pounding and he hasn’t stopped crying yet. Crying for the last wasted five years of his life, getting torn apart over something he doesn’t want in his head. Crying over the time he and V’ryss spent apart. Six years ago, before she stepped on Darth Marr’s ship, he had a vision of how their lives would go. If things went according to plan, they’d be dealing with babies right now, not the fate of the fucking galaxy.

And he mourns the man he used to be. Even with a stalled Republic Army career, he was pretty satisfied being Felix Iresso and now he doesn’t know if he ever will be again.

Felix takes a breath, tries to center himself, but the tears won’t stop. “Just sit next to me,” he says. That’s all he needs right now.

V’ryss quietly sits down on the side of the bed, close enough he can feel her next to him, but not quite touching. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see her hand hovering over his shoulder? “Is this alright?” she asks.

He nods and he thinks the tears are slowing down a bit, even if he is still crying. “Guess I’ll have something to talk about during therapy,” he says, trying to force a laugh. It doesn’t work.

She squeezes his shoulder. “Always looking on the bright side,” she says and he can hear the smile in her voice. Good. He wants her smiling.

Which makes him remember why she came into the room in the first place, because she’s exhausted. And what does he do? Throw a tantrum and have essentially have a panic attack. Basically the opposite of restful. “I should let you sleep,” he says, wiping his eyes. The tears have basically stopped and he’s got to admit he feels a little better after that. Definitely helps that V’ryss was here. He doesn’t think he’d want to deal with this alone.

“You’re welcome to stay,” she says softly. “I’m ready to climb into bed and take a nap right now.”

“You know it’s the middle of the afternoon, right?” he asks, taking her hand off of his shoulder and giving it a squeeze. She’s wearing her leather gloves, so he can’t feel the heat from her hand.

“I’ll have you know, I’m the commander of this Alliance,” she says lightly. “If I want a nap, I do believe I’ll take a nap.”

Felix slides back and lays down, his back almost against the wall. He’s always liked sleeping on whatever side is closest to the wall. Gives him a better vantage point of the entire room. When his head touches the pillow, he realizes just how tired he is. At this rate, he’ll be able to sleep until tomorrow morning.

V’ryss takes a moment before she lays down, taking off her gloves and boots, then removing her coat, leaving her in a tank top and trousers. She faces him and says, “Let’s get some sleep.”

He thinks he falls asleep before the words are out of her mouth.

#

Felix isn’t sure what time it is when he wakes up. The room is dark, with the lights on low around him. Peaceful, really. He’s on his side, one arm thrown over V’ryss’s stomach, who’s sleeping on her back.

He must have woken her up because a moment later, her eyes are open and he can see the red glow easily in the dark. “Hi,” she whispers.

“Hey yourself,” he says, looking down at her. She’s so damn beautiful, especially like this, with her hair tousled around her shoulders.

“How are you feeling?” she asks. Her voice is still soft, and it suits the mood. The room is quiet, which he desperately needs right now.

“Better,” he says, taking one of her hands in his. “Glad we decided to take that nap.”

She smiles. “We earned that nap.”

He’s about to respond, but is suddenly overwhelmed with the need to kiss her and he can’t think of one thing stopping him. So he does. The kiss is slow, almost more comforting than passionate. “I missed you so much,” he says between kisses.

Her lips part slightly and Felix takes the chances, sliding his tongue against hers. Damn, he’s missed this. He’s missed kissing V’ryss.

“I missed you, too,” V’ryss says, putting her arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

The kisses are a little more probing now, like they’re trying to remind each other of everything after the last six years. Felix likes to think he’s considerate in bed, and even with the break, he’s pretty sure he remembers all her favorites spots.

He slides his hand underneath her, under her tank top, feeling her smooth skin. Without almost thinking, he helps V’ryss take off the shirt, then kisses her again. Felix could do this forever, just letting himself get lost in her.

V’ryss tugs at the hem of his shirt and he freezes. He thinks about the scars underneath his shirt, the ones he hasn’t shown her yet, and he realizes he’s not ready. As much as he loves her, as much as he is certain that they won’t affect how she feels for him, Felix is just not ready to reveal that part of himself yet.

She must sense something is wrong, because the next thing he knows V’ryss is out of the bed, her hands out. Jedi must have the same kind of consent classes the Republic Army has, cause he remembers learning that exact move in a class room years ago. Put distance between you and the person who has revoked consent and let them see your hands so they know what you’re doing.

“Felix?” she asks, sounding confused. And who can blame her? A minute ago he wanted to ravish her and now he wants to be alone and brood.

Feeling like a complete and utter idiot, Felix sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, resting his head in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he says and his chest starts to tighten again, like it’s in that vice, like he’s never actually escaped the torture camp. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” There’s a tremor in his voice and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to help her understand. “I want you, Vee. But I’m just closing up.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see V’ryss lean down and grab her tank top off of the floor, quickly putting it back on. She kneels in front of him. “May I take your hands?” she asks.

The gentle courtesy in her voice with no sense of admonishment is like a punch to the gut. “Yeah,” he says quietly.

V’ryss brings his hands to her lips with a gentle kiss. “There’s no rush, Felix,” she says, squeezing his hands. “There’s no time limit, no rule that says we need to be sleeping together again by a certain date.”

“I know,” Felix says. He slides down to the floor, legs apart. V’ryss turns and leans against him, so his chest is flush with her back. Feels good just holding her like this. “What if I never…” He’s pretty sure he knows the answer, but for some reason he needs to hear the words out loud.

“Then we don’t have sex,” V’ryss says, entwining their fingers together. “That’s not going to change the way I feel about you, Felix. I love you. Nothing will change that.”

He lets the words wash over him. They were exactly what he expected, but just hearing them helps. “Thank you,” he says.

She squeezes his hand and then they sit in silence for a while.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hylo, if we set up a refueling station in this sector, our guys will stop returning to the base on empty,” Felix says, showing Hylo the holopad he’s been working on. “It’s a hell of a lot faster for them to be refueling out in the field than it is when they get to the base. We’ve got to figure out a way to reduce refueling times here. The lines are getting ridiculous.”

Hylo takes the holopad. “Can I keep this?” At Felix’s nod, she adds, “Lemme think about this. It’s a tall order to build a refueling station from scratch.”

“Make it automated and we don’t even need to staff it,” Felix says. “Think about it.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Felix sees V’ryss enter the smuggler’s cove. It’s really sort of a hoot watching how people react to her entering a room. People straighten up and try to look busy. Just like he used to do when he was right out of boot camp.

“Hylo, may I borrow Felix for a moment?” V’ryss asks as she walks up to them.

“He’s all yours,” Hylo says with a sarcastic looking bow.

V’ryss nods and immediately starts to walk out of the cove. Felix jogs to catch up. “Everything okay?” he asks.

“We’ll talk in our room,” V’ryss says.

He likes that it’s their room again, like it used to be on the _Defender._ And he’s convinced that he’s sleeping better with her next to him every night. Back in the day, he liked waking up with her, too. But she’s almost always up and out of the room before him now. He understands. She’s got the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders, after all.

Once the door is securely closed behind them, V’ryss says, “We’ve found the traitor’s signal. We’re heading to Umbara to see if we can’t catch them in the act.”

“Damn,” Felix says. The entire base has been abuzz about this traitor. No one seems to want to talk about anything else these past months. Good to know they finally got a lead. Hopefully they can catch the bastard. “Be good to finish this.”

V’ryss nods. “We’re leaving in just a few minutes. I wondered if you wanted to come with?” She sounds so uncertain that Felix feels guilty. “I know you’ve been working out…”

Felix turns away from her, not wanting to look her in the eye. Yeah, he’s been working out. When Jorgan’s on the base and not on Zakuul, the two of them lift every other day. He’s getting his strength and stamina back, thanks to weight training and cardio, which seems to be helping with everything else. It’s been weeks since he’s had a burst of anger and every day, he’s feeling more like himself. Not the man he used to be. That Felix Iresso is gone. But a man he’s content to live with.

But he still hasn’t picked up a blaster rifle. Not once since he’s been back. He can’t protect V’ryss if he can’t shoot a gun. For some reason, he’s not told her this. He’s not told her he hasn’t been to the shooting range. She’s just assumed and he let her do so.

Any time he’s even thought about going to the shooting range, Felix has realized he’s got something more important to do. A new assignment to complete from Hylo or Ghenna, the quartermaster. Or a message he really should respond to. Or a chance to play some hutt ball in the gym. Anything other than going to the range and picking up a blaster.

“I better not, Vee,” Felix says, finally turning back to look at V’ryss. “I’m still not at my best yet and it sounds like this trip is too important for me to be anything but.”

V’ryss looks down at the floor, just long enough that he can tell she’s trying to hide the disappointment in her eyes. “Of course,” she says, and he can tell she’s purposely putting a bit of cheer into her voice. “You’ll let me know when you’re ready.”

“Definitely,” Felix says, not even believing the word as it comes out of his mouth. That’s a big assumption that he’ll ever be ready. And there are days when he’s not sure he will be. “Guess I should wish you some luck. Of the good variety.”

“That would be welcome,” V’ryss says and she sounds tired. But that’s not new. It’s a rare day when she doesn’t sound tired. “I hope we can end this now before more people get hurt.”

Felix takes a step towards V’ryss and wraps his arms around her. “Just be safe out there,” he says. It’s a silly thing to say, especially when she’s about to go chasing a traitor. But what else can he say? He wants her safe, even if safety is only an illusion.

“I’ll do my best,” V’ryss says, kissing him on the cheek. “We’ll be able to message.” She looks at the door, closes her eyes, and takes a breath. It’s always fascinating to watch V’ryss try to balance herself. “I need to go, this is time sensitive information.”

Felix walks her to the door, wondering if this is his new normal. Watching her leave while he waits and worries. Well, best to put on a brave face if it is. “I love you,” he says quietly.

“I love you, too,” she says, squeezing his hand.

He watches her walk away until she turns the corner, wondering if he’ll ever be strong enough to join her again.

#

“Pardon me, I don’t mean to interrupt."

Felix hears the words being spoken towards him, recognizes the voice, and debates whether or not he wants to look up from his dinner tray. Every bone in his body is screaming at him to leave the cafeteria and not look back. But the morbid part of him is actually curious to know what this man possibly thinks he might have to say to him.

So he looks up and sees Arcann Tirall, the former emperor of Zakuul looking down at him.

Somehow in the five months Felix has been on the base, he’s barely seen Arcann, which is absolutely fine by him. Just knowing that the man was on the base was bad enough. But that was V’ryss to a tee. Always believing the best in people, even when they show you again and again who they truly are.

“May I sit down?”

Felix gives him a look which he hopes clearly portrays _are you fucking kidding me?_ He’s about to say no, when he suddenly realizes that yes, yes he would like to hear what this man has to say. “What the hell,” he says, gesturing towards the seat across from him. There’s still anger in his voice, but Felix doesn’t care. He can’t imagine ever _not_ being angry at Arcann.

It’s because of him and his programs that he lost five years of his life. That he spent _five years_ being prodded and then experimented on and then finally tortured. Five years he will never get back. Five years that changed him into a man he barely recognizes in the mirror. Five fucking years.

Arcann sits down, looking quite uncomfortable. Good. Let him be uncomfortable. Hands folded in front of him, Arcann says, “I suppose I should start by asking if you know who I am.”

Felix throws down his fork and lets out a short, bitter laugh. Of course he knows who Arcann is. It’s almost insulting that Arcann thinks he might _not_ know. But he doesn’t say any of that. Instead he tells the truth. “You’re simply one of the many reasons why my girlfriend is a better person than you’ll ever be.”

He hopes the words land a punch, but Arcann simply nods as he stares down at his hands. “I agree completely,” Arcann says.

There’s a silence around the table and Felix can tell that the people around them are trying to listen in on the conversation. Well, he’s got nothing to say to the man sitting across from him and he’s got no reason to try to move the conversation along. So he sits back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

Suddenly Felix is _very_ grateful for the weightlifting sessions with Jorgan these past few months. While he might never be as strong as he once was, there’s no denying he’s in far better physical shape than he was when he made it to the base. Just knowing that he doesn’t look like a stereotypical torture survivor gives him something to hold on to. This man across from him? His people tried to break Felix. And they failed. He’s still here and he’s still fighting.

Arcann clears his throat and meets Felix’s eyes. “I respect the commander a great deal. And she was understandably very upset with me when you came back to the base. Once I heard of the place where you had been rescued from, I made excuses. I told her that I had no idea of the program, so how could it be my fault?” Arcann grimaces, like recalling an unpleasant memory. “That did not go over well with the commander.”

Felix does his best not to snort. “The Jedi are really big about that personal responsibility thing,” he says, not taking his eyes of Arcann. “Especially V’ryss.”

“I tried to explain that if I knew of the program, I would have told her the moment she and I agreed to join forces,” Arcann says. There’s something about the way he says those words, _join forces,_ that bothers Felix. He’s heard the rumors around the base, that Arcann might have feelings for V’ryss. This isn’t helping him not to believe those. “But again, she wouldn’t accept that. Eventually, she made me realize that while I was not aware of your incarceration, it was ultimately my responsibility as Emperor, Mister Iresso.”

Felix tries to think back at the last time someone called him by his name without his rank attached. Been a while and it doesn’t quite sit right. Granted, that might also be because of who is calling him that. “And what does any of that have to do with me?” he asks.

“I want to apologize to you,” Arcann says. “For what happened. I’m sorry.”

Felix has never been good with forgiveness. He never did forgive the lady doctor for putting the holocron in his head. And he doubts he’ll be able to forgive Arcann for letting his scientists try to take it out. “Okay,” he says, because that’s all he has right now.

Arcann stares down at his hands again and Felix wonders if he expected a different response. A response that someone like V’ryss might give him. Well, he’s not V’ryss. “I don’t expect forgiveness and I don’t know if it’s possible to even earn it. Please just know that I am doing what I can to make a difference in this galaxy.”

This conversation is already longer than Felix wants it to be, yet he’s curious about this timing. “Why now?” he asks. “I’ve been back on this base for five months. Why wait until now? Cause V’ryss isn’t here?”

Arcann’s eyes close and Felix realizes he’s scored a hit. “Partly, yes. Originally I did want to say something right away when I learned of your return. However, the commander was clear that she wanted me to stay away from you.”

“Wait, really?” Felix asks. That’s not like V’ryss at all. “She told you to stay away from me?”

“She was quite forceful about it,” Arcann says and hearing him talk, Felix is fairly certain those rumors are true. Well, too damn bad. V’ryss already has a man, and he has no intention on going anywhere. “I’ve respected her wishes-”

“Until she wasn’t here, you mean,” Felix says. Just like a former tyrant to do something like this. Spout off how he respects someone until their back is turned. Arcann looks like he’s about to say something and Felix holds up his hand. He’s not actually interested in having a conversation of any sort with the man. “You’ve said what you wanted to say. I don’t need to hear any more.”

“Thank you for listening,” Arcann says and he actually sounds pretty damn sincere. He doesn’t say anything else as he gets up and leaves the table.

Felix doesn’t bother to watch where the former emperor goes. None of his business and frankly, he doesn’t care if he’s hurt the man’s feelings. He does null over the apology, though. V’ryss would probably be thrilled and encourage him to accept. Well, that’s just another reason why she’s a better person than him, too.

He’s not ready. And he’s not sure if he’ll ever be ready. But one thing he’s sure of, it’s that it will be _his_ decision if he ever decides to accept.

#

Felix is looking over some of the logistics reports when V’ryss walks into their quarters. She didn’t let him know that she was so close, or he would have met her in the hangar bay. He’s just about to jump up to give her a hug - it’s been a long week without her - when he catches the expression on her face. “Vee?” he asks quietly. Something must have happened during the mission. “You catch the traitor?”

Over the years, Felix has seen her deal with some pretty heavy handed bullshit. The Rift Alliance constantly took advantage of her good nature. The Republic Army definitely crossed a line more than once. And in all that time, he’s never seen her lose her temper, never seen her lose her cool. Until today.

She drops down to her haunches and with her hands covering her mouth, V’ryss lets out a wordless scream that sends shivers down his spine.

A second later she’s sitting on the ground, legs splayed as she stares ahead. “No, but we know who it is,” she says, her voice dull.

Now Felix really doesn’t like the sound of this. He puts the holopad with his reports down on the side table and walks in front of her. Putting out his hands, he says, “Well, don’t keep me in suspense.”

V’ryss puts her hands in his and he pulls her up off of the ground. “Theron,” she says. Felix hears her say Theron’s name but it’s just not clicking. “Theron is the traitor.”

“Theron?” Felix asks. At V’ryss’s nod, he adds, “Maybe it was a misunderstanding. You’re sure?”

Her eyes close and Felix can read the pain on her face. There was no misunderstanding. “He tried to kill me, Felix,” she says.

She says that and suddenly he needs her in his arms. Preferably now. He opens his arms and V’ryss takes it for the invitation it is, wrapping her arms around his waist and nestling her head in the crook of his neck. Felix puts his hand on the back of her neck, wanting to be closer. It’s strange, really. He knew that she would be fighting on Umbara. That’s part of the job. But to hear someone that she trusted tried to kill her…

He trusted Shan, once, too.

That complete and utter _bastard._

But should he have expected any less? Shan was Republic and Felix knows first hand how the Republic’s lost any sense of honor they had left. He’s read up on the time he was captured. How the Senate let Saresh control power, even after she no longer was Chancellor. Felix hates to think that the woman was still out there, scheming. But technically the Alliance had no legal reason to hold her and V’ryss didn’t want to start a prison of any kind.

Felix kisses her forehead, gently rocking her back and forth. He’s not sure how much time passes before she raises her head, tears in her eyes. Without even thinking about it, he lowers his head and kisses her softly. It’s the first kiss they’ve shared in a while and it just feels right, holding V’ryss like this. But then she breaks the kiss, putting her hand on his cheek. He gets it. The few times they’ve kissed, he’s always been the one to pull away first. Shouldn’t surprise him that she’s doing the same thing.

So instead of another kiss, he just holds her. “I know this sounds corny, but we will get through this.”

“You know I’ve never minded a little corniness,” she says. There’s a slight smile on her face and Felix can’t help but feel a little pride. He did that. _He_ made her smile in spite of everything. “I don’t think I could do this without you, Felix.”

The words are nice to hear, but they’re not true. “Sure you could,” Felix says, wrapping his arms just a little tighter around her. “Look at everything you’ve already done. Taking down Arcann and then Vaylin? That was all you, Vee.”

“I had a great deal of help,” V’ryss says. “But that’s not what I meant, not really. I’m just glad you’re here.”

Considering the alternatives, Felix can emphatically agrees with her. “Same,” he says.

Just as he’s thinking about kissing her again, V’ryss’s comm goes off. Her eyes close, and Felix knows she’s not thinking about him any more. Probably thinking about everything the Alliance needs to do to protect itself. Operating procedures will need to be changed. Passwords. Anything that Shan had a hand in will need to be updated. All those smuggling routes he worked out? He’s pretty sure Shan had access to those, which means they need to be changed.

“I need to…”

“I know,” Felix says, brushing his thumb over her lower lip. “I better check in with Hylo.”

She nods, but not before squeezing his hand. As they walk out of their quarters, Felix realizes he’s got a bit of his self-worth back. Things are messed up. But he’s going to be able to help fix it. That sense of purpose is something that’s been missing from his life from so long that he hardly recognized it.

Once out in the hallway, they’ll be going their separate ways. Him, to the smuggler’s cove and V’ryss to the war room. So they share a quick kiss and start to walk away from each other.

They’ve got work to do.


	5. Chapter 5

“So what’s this I hear about the commander going after Theron?” Jorgan asks as they walk into the practice range.

Felix nods and tries to ignore that useless feeling that’s coiling in his stomach. She didn’t even ask if he wanted to go this time. Instead, V’ryss just straight up told him she’s leaving and she’ll hopefully not be gone too long. Once she walked out of his sight and he realized she didn’t ask, it hit him like a ton of bricks. And made him decide that it was finally time to start practicing his shooting skills.

After almost seven months on Odessen, he’s basically at a weight he’s content with. He’s benching almost what he could before he was captured. His long-distance running still needs a little work, but Felix knows that’s just because he hates running and hasn’t worked at it enough. Not that the five years is still affecting his run times.

But he still hasn’t picked up a rifle. Well, that’s going to change now. Next time V’ryss wants him by her side? He’ll be ready.

“I don’t know much, man,” Felix says, which is sadly true. “She just told me that the Chiss Ascendancy of all groups had a lead and they were leaving right away.”

“Elara was there in the hangar bay when the commander met with the Ascendancy. They said they wouldn’t let her on the planet without an escort,” Jorgan says, shaking his head. “Can you imagine that? She’s _Chiss_ and they still won’t let her on the planet by herself.”

V’ryss didn’t mention anything about that not being allowed on the planet. She’s hardly ever spoken about her relationship with the Chiss Ascendancy, other than _it_ _’s complicated._ Hopefully she’ll tell him what happened when she’s back. “You’d think they’d trust their own.”

“Oh, and get this,” Jorgan says and for a man who claims he doesn’t listen to gossip, he’s certainly willing to dish some out. “The escort they’re sending with her? Human, representing the Ascendancy.”

“A human? Escorting a Chiss on a Chiss planet?” Felix asks, turning his head so he doesn’t have to look at the row of practice rifles. He’s gonna have to pick one of them up soon and his heart is beating just a little faster at the thought. And not in a good way. He vaguely wonders whatever happened to that blaster rifle the Alliance gave him when they freed him. Felix never even thought about it again after V’ryss took it off his back. “That’s not cool.”

Does explain why she didn’t ask him to come with, though, which makes Felix feel a little better. V’ryss probably would rather have him backing her up instead of some random stranger.

And it all starts with picking up a rifle. Thankfully, the practice range is basically empty mid morning. He knows once first shift is done, it will be full of Alliance, all trying to get an edge or take the edge off, depending on their day. But for Felix’s first time back in a range? Empty is good. Empty is perfect.

Jorgan’s already at the firing point, using his own rifle. Felix looks at the rack of blaster rifles and tries to remember just exactly he looked for when it came to a gun. Heft. He liked a little weight to the blaster, made it feel more steady in his hands. Something a little shorter without any bells and whistles. His eyes settle on a blaster at the end of the row, one that sort of reminds him of one of the first blasters he ever owned, back when he was in basic.

He never owned a rifle until he left the refugee camps, because refugees were never allowed to have them. Holding one for the first time, back when he was a skinny eighteen year old, still growing into his body, made him feel truly safe for the first time in a long time. He longs to have that feeling again, but somehow, he doubts that he ever will.

Taking a breath, Felix forces himself to pick up the practice rifle. It’s lighter than he expects and he feels like he’s never held a blaster rifle in his life before. No matter how he holds it, no matter what grip he uses, it feels uncomfortable. He’s starting to breathe a little more quickly and drags himself up to the firing point.

He can do this. He can fire a blaster so he can start going on missions with V’ryss again. He can absolutely do this.

That’s when Jorgan fires his first round of shots.

The noise takes Felix by surprise and without thinking, he drops the practice rifle like it’s on fire. Suddenly this shooting gallery’s far too small and if he doesn’t get some air, he’s gonna lose his damn mind. Without saying a word to Jorgan, Felix turns and walks away. But even seeing the rows of practice rifles sets him on edge. So he marches right into the nearby restroom, the closest place he can think of that might not have any rifles.

Instead of going into a stall, Felix walks to the back wall, leaning against the cool tile, before sliding down onto the floor. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but at least he can breathe here, under the ugly bathroom lighting. Tipping his head back, he mutters, “Fuck.” What the hell is wrong with him? Why is it so hard for him to pick up a rifle? Blasters have been a part of his life since he joined the Army. They’re part of who he is.

Part of who he was. And he’s not that man any more.

The bathroom door opens and Jorgan steps inside with no rifle strapped to his back. Shit, Felix doesn’t want Jorgan to see him like this, not at the end of a damn panic attack. He braces himself for questions, for judgment. Jorgan was the leader of Havoc squad, for fuck’s sake.

But then Jorgan surprises him by sitting down on the floor next to him. Not too close to uncomfortable, but close enough that there’s a sense of support.

“You want to talk about it?” Jorgan says quietly, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“Dunno,” Felix says honestly. He knows Jorgan’s seen some shit in his life. Yet he’s never once seen Jorgan lose control like Felix just did. “How do you stay so calm all the time?”

“I hide it pretty well,” Jorgan says matter of factly. “You should have seen me a year and a half ago, when I lost most of Havoc squad.”

Now this is a story Felix hasn’t heard. Almost at once, he’s not thinking about his own problems any longer. “You lost your squad?” He’s heard horror stories of being the last surviving squad member, but he’s not actually met anyone who could describe themselves as that. He debates for a moment if he should ask more, but then decides that if Jorgan didn’t want to talk about it, he wouldn’t have brought it up. “I’m sorry, man. I hadn’t heard.”

“Thanks,” Jorgan says after taking a breath. “My guess is your girlfriend probably didn’t say anything cause she was trying to be diplomatic. I was… I was pretty angry at her at the time.”

Jorgan starts telling him the story, how V’ryss disappeared and when she came back, he disobeyed a direct order. And in the process, four members of Havoc squad were killed. The only other survivor, a Twi’lek named Xaban, left the Alliance soon after. Only Jorgan stayed.

“Afterward, I was a mess. Drank too much, didn’t sleep, you know the drill,” Jorgan says. “And then right after that, the Alliance made a deal with the fucking Mandalorians. The fuckers. I came really close to leaving, but I stayed. Glad I did.”

“Appreciate you telling me,” Felix says and he means it. He does appreciate it. It can be hard for soldiers to share these kind of stories.

“But it’s not exactly the same. I get it,” Jorgan says. “So what do you think it is about the blaster that’s setting you off?”

There’s no pity in Jorgan’s voice. No scorn. It’s just an honest question. One that Felix is going to do his best to answer. “The thought of actually killing someone with a blaster again… It makes me sick to my stomach, Jorgan.”

Felix waiys for Jorgan to say that he’s just lost his nerve, that eventually he’ll get it back. And Felix doesn’t want to hear it. So when Jorgan replies, “Then don’t,” instead of the response he expects? It throws him off for a minute. “I mean it, Iresso. The Alliance has plenty of soldiers. No point putting yourself through that if you don’t need to.” Jorgan stretches his arms out in front of him. “Maybe you’ll pick up a blaster again some day, maybe you won’t. I hear you’re doing good things with logistics. Stick with that for now.”

It makes so much sense when Jorgan puts it that way. Felix’s has been beating himself up trying to chase after the person he used to be and why? He doesn’t want to fight. So he won’t. “I don’t even think I can hunt for sport any more,” Felix says, shaking his head. “One of my favorite ways to relax.”

“You’ll find new ways.”

“Vee will thrilled about that, at least. She hated that I hunted for trophies. Offended her sensibilities with the Force.”

“Look at you,” Jorgan says, punching Felix on the shoulder. “Finding the bright side.”

#

Felix doesn’t realize that V’ryss is back until he sees her just outside the Alliance staging area. She’s staring at the _Gravestone_ and he sees more than one person give her a worried look. He’s pretty sure that they didn’t catch Shan. No one on the ship back would have been able to keep that information to themselves and gossip spreads ridiculously quick on Odessen.

“Vee?” he asks quietly as he walks up to her. “You okay?

Her eyes don’t leave the ship as she says, “I’m about to have an emotional breakdown, Felix. I need to get out of here but I can’t make my feet move.”

Felix doesn’t waste any time, taking V’ryss by the arm. Thankfully, she lets him lead her away from the staging area and into the lift down to the war room. He thinks to go to their room, but if she needs to scream and shout, the walls aren’t thick enough to mask that. So they walk into the hangar bay instead. Felix waves at Jorgan as they pass but doesn’t say a word to anyone.

Once they’re out of the hangar bay and into the _Defender_ _’s_ personal dock, Felix entwines their fingers together. She holds his hand tight enough to almost hurt, but he can take it. “When we’re on the ship, you can do whatever you want, Vee.”

She nods and grips his hand tighter, not even letting go when he enters the access code to the hatch. Takes more than one try because he is not right-handed. But better that than letting go when V’ryss clearly needs the support.

Finally they make it inside the ship. V’ryss is leading the charge now and she walks them straight into the comm room. Felix needs to flex his fingers a bit once she lets go of his hand. Not sure what to do, he sits down on the sofa, forearms on his thighs, as his girlfriend paces the room.

He’s not sure how long she paces, but it’s long enough that he decides to say something. “What do you need?” he asks gently, remembering when she asked him the same question on the day they were reunited.

That catches her attention and she stops pacing and leans up against the wall instead. Her breathing is ragged when she says, “I was born on Copero.”

They’ve never really talked much about their respective childhoods. Not much to tell in his case. Idyllic home suddenly destroyed by the Imperial Empire and then fourteen years living in refugee camps, only escaping when he joined the Republic Amy. But V’ryss? She told him she was with the Jedi at age three and there wasn’t much else to it.

“I was born on that planet and they wouldn’t let me go back without an escort. I _lived_ in that city,” she says as she wipes away some tears. “I recognized some of the restaurants. Far as I know, I still might have family there.”

“Vee, come here,” Felix says, patting the seat next to him. She suddenly feels ridiculously far away and for both their sake’s, he wants her close. “Please?”

She shakes her head. “We didn’t even catch Theron and the entire mission, all everything did was remind me that I’m…” V’ryss looks at her hands. “That I’m unclean.”

Okay, now that’s just wrong. “What are you talking about? Unclean?”

“Force sensitive Chiss,” she says, her voice dull. “I was three when my parents realized I had use of the Force. My House was influential enough that if the truth came out, it would be used against them. So my father tried to smuggle me to Korriban, so I could train with the Sith.”

“Wait, you were going to be a Sith?” Felix asks. He thinks about the holocron in his head and how things would be different if she was Lord V’ryss instead of Master V’ryss. They would have never met, that’s for sure. Or if they did, it would be on the battlefield.

V’ryss slides down to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees. It reminds him so much of the other day, of talking with Jorgan, that it’s a punch to the stomach. “Can you imagine?” she says and there’s a hint of a smile on her face. “I don’t think I would have lasted two minutes on Korriban.”

“So what happened?” he asks, his curiosity getting the better of him. To think he’s learning these things after all this time, is sort of amazing.

“The ship we were on was attacked by pirates,” V’ryss says. “I used the force to hide myself.” She shrugs and lets out a breath. “A Jedi found me in the wreckage and immediately took me to start training.”

Felix stands up, hands behind his head. “You still had family. So they kidnapped you,” he says, trying not to be angry on V’ryss’s behalf. This isn’t his fight. He needs to supportive right now, not upset. Even so, some of the things she’s told him about the Jedi and bringing young children into the Order don’t sit right with him.

“That’s one way to look at it. But Felix, the moment I stepped on that ship, I was never going to talk to my family again. I was dead to them,” V’ryss says. She stands and starts pacing again. “Tython or Korriban, it didn’t matter. The end result would have been the same. I was stricken from my House and all traces of my existence erased from the Ascendancy.”

“How do you know that, Vee?” Felix asks softly. He takes a step towards her but V’ryss takes two steps away.

“Because I asked,” she says and her face crumples as she starts to cry. Not ugly tears or anything like that. Those Felix would be able to understand. This is a silent cry, a cry of someone who was taught to repress their emotions from a young age. It’s a cry that leaves him helpless, not knowing how to best support her.

He takes another step to her and this time, she doesn’t move.

“I thought I was over this, Felix,” she says, grabbing the hem of her jacket and crumbling it up in her fists. “I told myself again and again that it didn’t matter.” The silent cry isn’t silent any longer and he can’t take this, being away from her. He opens his arms and she practically runs into them. “The Ascendancy told me to jump and I couldn’t ask how high fast enough.”

Things are starting to make a little more sense now. “What happened?” he asks as he pulls her close, trying to give V’ryss some sort of physical anchor to hold on to.

“I almost killed a woman who had surrendered to the Alliance, all because the Ascendancy asked me to,” V’ryss says, her arms wrapped around his waist. “She was unarmed and when I think about how close I came to killing her…”

“But you didn’t,” Felix says, wanting to confirm. Because killing someone like that goes against everything V’ryss believes in. Absolutely everything.

“I wanted to, though. I remember thinking that maybe if I kill her, they’ll accept me,” V’ryss says. She leans back and her eyes are swollen from crying and her hair is a mess. But she’s here. She’s talking. And Felix is exactly where he needs to be. “But they won’t. No matter what I accomplish, they’ll only see me as Force sensitive.”

“You’re so much more than that, you know that, right?” Felix asks, taking a hand and putting it on her cheek. He wipes away a few tears with his thumb, hoping that he can give her some sort of comfort. “Think about everyone who cares for you on this base, Vee. Anyone here would take a bullet for you without thinking.”

The moment the words are out of his mouth, he knows he’s said the wrong thing. “I don’t want people dying for me,” she says quietly, wrapping her hand around his wrist. “You weren’t here for Vaylin’s attack on the base, Felix. So many Alliance died.”

Felix’s heard stories of that night from Jorgan and how it was the first time he ever mourned a Mandalorian. “I know, baby, I know,” he says, brushing his lips against her temple. “People believe in the Alliance, not just you.”

“Thank you,” she says. “I needed to hear that.” Her eyes close and she looks like she’s ready to fall asleep standing up.

That’s when he decides he needs to take charge. “When was the last time you slept?” When she shrugs, he asks, “Ate something?”

“I had a protein bar right before we landed,” V’ryss says.

He takes her hand and together they walk into the bedroom on the _Defender._ He takes a quick glance over at the statues lining one wall. Yep, still creepy. But the more important thing is the bed. Once they’re standing next to it, Felix helps V’ryss take off her combat jacket. There’s nothing sexual in their movements, not at all. Felix just wants V’ryss to get some sleep.

She sits on the bed and Felix kneels down next to her, sliding one boot off and then the other. “I’ll be right back,” Felix says as he quickly leaves the room to the fresher to grab a glass of water. He’s gone less than a minute and V’ryss is still sitting there, staring at her hands when he gets back. “Here.”

She drinks the almost the whole glass before setting it down on the bedside table. “I know what you’re trying to do,” she says with a small smile on her face.

“Yeah, and what’s that?” Felix asks as he sits down next to her.

Her voice is soft when she answers. “Trying to take care of me.”

“Is it working?” Felix asks, sweeping some of her hair out of her face. It’s moments like this that makes Felix remember that he can still be a good partner. Even something as simple as getting her a glass of water shows how much he cares, in his own way. And stars, does he care.

Instead of answering, V’ryss squeezes his knee, before sliding back onto the bed. He watches as she lay down, before she starts to close her eyes. She won’t sleep long, he’s sure. But at least Felix knows that she’s resting, so yeah. It’s definitely working.


	6. Chapter 6

“Do we start at the beginning? Or go right to the good parts?” Felix asks eagerly as he works his holopad.

“How can you even ask that, Felix?” V’ryss says. “It’s been more than six years since we’ve watched ‘Squad 223: Mission Zero’ together. We clearly need to start at the beginning.”

And that is one of the reasons he loves this woman. She _understands_. “Alright, from the beginning it is,” he says, pressing play. He quickly throws the screen onto the wall across from their bed. The familiar music starts to swell and Felix scrambles up onto the bed where V’ryss is waiting.

Not often when they get a night to themselves like this. But V’ryss had to finally put her foot down and force her team of advisors to take a night off. He gets that Beniko wants to find Shan, but there are much better ways than forcing people to work twelve hour days, six days a week. So tonight? No one works except for a skeleton crew to keep an eye out for emergencies.

Personally, he’s pretty sure Lana and Theron were fucking in secret. Would definitely explain Lana’s overreaction to Theron’s betrayal. Plus, thanks to his logistics work, he’s developed some decent observational skills. And too many things lined up, like meetings where either Theron and Lana would show up almost exactly five minutes after the other. He definitely noticed Theron looking at Lana in a way that had nothing to do with work. Felix told V’ryss all this once and all she said was if that was true, she’s sad they felt the need to keep things secret.

But this is not the time to think about Theron and Lana. It’s the time to put his arm around V’ryss’s shoulder, eat some popcorn with actual butter, and watch the best worst movie ever made.

As the opening sequence starts to play, Felix is so grateful that he mentioned something to V’ryss about the movie. His copy and the backup copy were long gone; the server where all his data was held was destroyed in the war. He scoured the holonet for another copy but no luck. Then he mentioned his search to V’ryss, who searched all of her data. And there in one of her backup files was the message he sent her years ago with a copy of the movie attached.

The quality is horrible, but he doesn’t care. All he needs are the exploits of Squad 223.

“Do you have any idea how big of a crush I had on Captain Tanker when I was a kid?” Felix asks as the captain of the squad came onto the screen. She’s a tall human with long, black hair and teardrop shaped eyes. And muscles for days. So many muscles. Muscles he had a ridiculous amount of very inappropriate dreams about when he was a teenager.

“Should I be jealous?” V’ryss asks. There’s a smile in her voice as she adds, “I thought you’d be more Lieutenant Mendez’s type, to be honest.”

“The medic?” Felix asks, thinking it over. Mendez is gorgeous, with beautiful tendrils, but she’s not Captain Tanker. “I could see it, but I was faithful to my one first love throughout my teenage years.”

He feels her lips brush against his neck and he smiles as he leans back against the pillows a bit more. Took a while for V’ryss to start reaching out for him again. Which he gets. He absolutely gets. He pushed her away too many times when he first came back. Who wants to be rejected again and again? But they’re making out on a regular basis again. Still haven’t had sex yet, but Felix is pretty sure that will happen soon. When he’s ready.

After almost eight months on Odessen, Felix is a hell of a lot more comfortable with himself than he used to be. The whole blaster rifle thing still bothers him a bit, but not enough to try to change anything. Like Jorgan said, the Alliance doesn’t need another soldier right now. Maybe that will change. He’ll cross that road if that happens.

“I’m partial to Lieutenant Matteo myself,” V’ryss says. “Pureblood Sith trying to prove themselves and their loyalty to the Republic? Something I can relate to easily.”

“And he gets the girl in the end,” Felix says, kissing V’ryss’s temple. “He and Captain Tanker make a hell of a team.”

“If only they weren’t breaking a million and one regulations by being together,” she says with a laugh. She rests her hand on his stomach. “Glad we never had deal with datawork like those two would have dealt with.”

Felix gives a fake scoff. “Says the woman who wasn’t interrogated by a member of the Jedi Council about the love of their life,” he says, thinking back to that conversation. “They asked about our sex life, Vee. And I told them.”

She turns her head into his shoulder and he can see the smile on her face. “Shh, Lieutenant Matteo is talking,” she says, squeezing his knee.

They both stop speaking for a bit and a sense of familiarity washes over him as they watch the movie. He mouths along with the dialog, even the really cheesy lines that make him roll his eyes. When they finally get to the big romance scene, the night before the final battle where Tanker and Matteo confess their love for each other, Felix turns towards V’ryss and grabs her hands.

“Matteo,” he says just as Captain Tanker does. “We will most likely die tomorrow.”

V’ryss laughs and sits up straight, clutching his hands against her heart. “But Tanker, we have tonight.”

“Then let’s make tonight worth it,” Felix says as seriously as he can, which isn’t very serious, because how can he keep a straight face as the screen fades to black? He knows exactly what happens next. Mendez and Matteo will get caught behind enemy lines but Tanker comes in and saves the day. Everyone lives happily ever after, with a promotion to boot.

He needed that when he was a kid. He needed to see the world in black and white. Good guys and bad guys. Now he knows better. Now he knows the galaxy is tinged with grey and most people are just trying to make it through the day.

Once upon a time, Felix desperately wanted to be Captain Tanker, wanted to be that hero who saved the galaxy. Until the damned Imperial Empire put a holocron in his head, he thought he had a chance. Funny how things work out. He’ll never be that hero now, but somehow it doesn’t bother him anymore. He can only be himself. And if that means a life of working on logistical problems and supporting V’ryss? That’s really not a bad life to lead at all.

The vid hasn’t stopped just because Felix’s mind is off in other places. He can hear explosions and people shouting but all he sees in front of him is V’ryss. Her eyes meet his and she places her hand against his cheek, running her thumb over his lower lip. “You’re so damn beautiful,” he says softly, not sure if she can even hear him over the sound of the vid.

So instead of repeating himself, Felix leans forward and kisses her. It’s not a gentle kiss or a comforting one. It’s a kiss of passion, a kiss of wanting _more._ She’s kissing him back just as eagerly. He’s got half a mind to reach over to his holopad and turn off the vid, but that would require him not to be touching V’ryss which seems like a pretty poor payoff. They can deal with the sounds of the vid in the background.

V’ryss moves to straddle him, which ends up working out just fine for him. He’s got his back to the wall and she’s flush up against him. Time passes, he’s not sure how much, but enough for Felix to know that kissing isn’t going to be enough tonight. His hands linger at her waist, tugging at the hem of her tunic. “May I?” he whispers.

“Please,” she says and it sounds almost like a prayer.

A moment later her tunic is on the floor, leaving her in a skirt and bra. He’s about to go for the bra when V’ryss pulls back a bit, her hands on the top button of his shirt. Felix reminds himself to breathe, knowing that she’s finally gonna see the truth about his time as a prisoner of Zakuul.

She’s watching him carefully now, clearly remembering the last time she tried to take off his shirt. “If you want me to stop, you can tell me,” V’ryss says quietly, unbuttoning the top button. “You feeling safe is the most important thing to me.”

“I trust you, Vee,” Felix says. “More than anyone in the galaxy.” And it’s true. There’s no one he trusts more. With anything.

They start kissing again but this time Felix can feel V’ryss’s fingers slowly unbutton each button on his shirt. It’s almost agonizing, the pace she’s working at, but it also delays the inevitable. He tries not to think too much about what her reaction will be. Because honestly? He’s not sure what it will be. Seven years ago, V’ryss the Jedi Master might do one thing. V’ryss the Alliance Commander? She’s different. But then again, so is he.

She finally gets the entire shirt unbuttoned and as they kiss, V’ryss puts her hands on his shoulders and slides his shirt off. Felix stills as her hands run over a number of his scars. She breaks the kiss and leans back and all he can do is watch her eyes as she takes in the scars criss-crossing his body.

Felix isn’t sure what he wants her to say, but one thing he does know? Is he doesn’t want pity. Especially from V’ryss. He knows she partially blames herself for what happened to him and the last thing he wants is for this to make her feel worse about everything.

Nothing is said for a moment until V’ryss reaches over to his holopad. “We can watch the rest later,” she says.

“Agreed,” Felix says at once.

The vid stops and suddenly the room is quiet with only the sound of their breathing and the hum from the comm. “Do they hurt?” she asks, her voice soft.

That wasn’t a question he expected. Taking V’ryss’s hands, he says, “It’s like a dull ache that’s always there. Gotten used to it, to be honest."

“I met Jarok,” she says out of the blue. “Did I ever tell you that?”

Felix shakes his head. “What happened?”

“It was on Nathema, when we were chasing Vaylin. He was a twisted man from everything I saw there. Killed by one of his own creations,” V’ryss says. She places her hands on his neck. “You are the strongest person I know.”

The words make his stomach flutter a bit. V’ryss doesn’t believe in hyperbole and she doesn’t lie. If she’s saying that, she means it. And that means a whole hell of a lot to him, coming from her. “Thank you,” he says before leaning forward and kissing her.

She ends the kiss and gets up off of his lap, standing on the floor. Already he misses her being next to him, and as he reaches out for her again, she says, “I’d like to try something.”

Well, he did just say he trusts her more than anyone. “Try what?” Felix asks.

“Lay down on her back,” she says. The words have just the tiny hint of a suggestion in them, but he knows she won’t ever use her Force powers on him.

Felix takes off the rest of his shirt and does what she asks, feeling more than just a little exposed. “What are you going to do?” he asks.

“I’m assuming that you went to the doctor about your scars?” she asks. At his nod, she adds, “You didn’t have them removed?”

“Maybe someday,” he says. “But for now, I need them.” He doesn’t elaborate any further, though he could. He needs to see them, to remember that what happened to him was real. Even eight months later, there are still days when he doubts. But the scars are always there to tell him the truth.

She starts to rub her hands together quickly, probably to build up some warmth. “I don’t have a lot of Force healing power, but let’s see if I can lessen that dull ache.”

He nods, not sure what else he should do in this situation. V’ryss sits down on the side of the bed, facing him. “Need me to do anything?” he asks, not able to help himself.

“Just relax,” V’ryss says. “If you become uncomfortable in any way, please tell me.”

“Alright,” he says as he closes his eyes. A moment later, he feels her hands on his chest, where the worst of the scarring is. They’re warm, just like he thought they would be. Felix lets out a breath and concentrates on V’ryss.

Then he senses it. The Force.

Back in the refugee camps, he was tested for the Force. He learned that he had a slight hint of Force sensitivity, but not even enough to warrant sending him to the Jedi Agricultural Corps. But whatever V’ryss is doing is sending his Force radar through the roof. The Force flows through him, through his blood and sinew and cells and everything that makes him _him._

Everything is connected, Felix remembers her telling him once. Right now, with the Force becoming part of him, he feels it. He feels connected to everything. To the good, the bad. To life. To death. And he’s never been more sure that he’s _exactly_ where he’s supposed to be.

V’ryss removes her hands and the sensation of the Force diminishes, but does not disappear. Felix keeps his eyes closed and listens to his body? That dull ache in his chest? Almost gone. But that still leaves his shoulders and arms and stomach and all the other parts of his body that the torturers paid attention to.

After a moment, once he’s sure he’s actually feeling what he thought, Felix props himself on his elbows. “Can you do that again?”

#

Felix wakes to an empty bed.

Now this he doesn’t like. V’ryss is supposed to get a chance to sleep in today before it’s back to the grindstone. He’s just about to get indignant on her behalf when he hears, “You’re awake.”

Sitting up, Felix sees V’ryss sitting on the sofa, her knees up to her chest as she’s drinking a cup of tea. Not a holopad in sight, so she must actually be relaxing a bit. “Come back to bed, Vee. I’m lonely.”

She smiles at the words, their private joke back from their first night together, when Holiday helped him arrange a circuitry issue with V’ryss’s door. “We can’t have that now, can we?” she says as she stands up. She’s only wearing a long tee-shirt and Felix gives himself a moment to admire her legs.

“Why you up so early?” he asks as she walks towards the bed.

She puts down her mug of tea on the nightstand. “Bathroom. Then it just seemed like a quiet morning to think a bit.”

Felix pulls back the covers for her. He never put a shirt on last night, which leaves his scars in full display. But he’s not bothered or self-conscious at all. That alone feels like a victory. “You doing okay after last night?”

V’ryss made herself damn near exhausted doing her Force healing thing for him yesterday. If he had known how much it takes out of her, he would have rationed the healing out a bit. But because she’s V’ryss, she didn’t tell him until the end when she almost passed out.

“I’m fine,” she says as she gets into bed. She pushes Felix back down so they can lay next to each other. “What about you? How do you feel?”

She’s drawing nonsense patterns onto his stomach with the tip of her finger, which is thoroughly distracting. “Can’t think when you’re doing that, baby,” he says.

“Sorry,” she says quickly, removing her hand so fast it’s like he burned her skin or something.

But that does give him a moment to close his eyes and listen to his body. Truly listen. The dull ache? The one that’s been his constant companion for the last six years? Almost gone. Not completely. There’s still a tenderness under his skin, deep in his muscles. But compared to how it was last night before V’ryss started her work? It’s nothing.

“You know, I think I almost feel refreshed,” Felix says, turning to his side to face V’ryss. He places his hands on her cheek. There are days when the word _love_ doesn’t even seem to come close to cover what she means to him. “Thank you. I know whatever you did-”

“Worth it if you feel even a little better,” V’ryss says. She turns her head and kisses the inside of his wrist. “I know I wasn’t able to fix everything. But we can keep working.”

Without thinking, Felix leans forward and kisses her. She responds eagerly and wraps her arms around him, her hands brushing against his scars. He pulls back, waiting for the recoil, for the inevitable clench of his stomach, telling him to stop. But it’s not there. There’s no little voice in his head or any sort of physical sign, yelling at him. Instead, all he can feel is a deep-seated need. A need to show V’ryss how much he loves her.

He’s tried to show her in a million different ways since he’s been back on Odessen. Making sure she has breakfast or sending a quick message that he’s thinking about her. Even working logistics, supporting the Alliance that she built from the ground. All of it to let her know how much he cares.

And sex is simply one more way to tell her how he feels. One they may not need, but one he desperately wants right now.

“I want you, Vee,” he says, not even wincing at how corny the words sound coming out of his mouth as he gently pushes her onto her back.

She leans her head back on the pillow, her blue hair fanning around her. Placing her hands on his cheeks, V’ryss says, “You’re sure? If you want to stop at any time, I’ll be listening.”

Felix knows she means that. She’ll be listening not just for words, but his body language. But he’s not worried. Not this morning. Not when his body is relaxed and pliant and he feels _safe_. “I’m sure,” he whispers as he kisses her again. V’ryss spreads her legs and he pushes his hips against hers.

He’s sure.

He’s absolutely sure.


	7. Chapter 7

_Felix?_

Felix gives the punching bag one more punch for good measure before stepping off to the side. Jorgan quickly takes his place. Punching bags are a premium here on Odessen. If he or Jorgan leave the bag unattended even for a moment, someone else will claim it.

“Vee? You back?” Felix says into his comm.

She’s been gone for just a day, off to some listening post Lana and Hylo think might lead to the Order of Zildrog. The more Felix thinks about it, the more bullshit it seems. An organization like that is going to need supplies. They’re going to be using data for the holonet. If Theron was working with them all this time, someone should have caught his communications with them. Something doesn’t add up and all it leaves is a mystery.

_I am, but I_ _’ll be leaving again soon. Can you meet me in our quarters?_

“Be there in five,” Felix says.

After a quick talk with Jorgan, Felix heads to their quarters. V’ryss is sitting on the sofa, hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes light up when she sees him and truly, that will never get old. Maybe it’s silly, but to think that just his very existence can make someone like V’ryss happy? He must be doing something right.

“So what’s going on?” Felix asks as he sits down next to her. Sometimes it feels like this is the story of their lives now. She tells him she’s going off to fight and Felix stays behind. At least he knows it’s his choice now. He and V’ryss had a long talk about violence and pacifism and Felix’s head is clear. He doesn’t want to fight any more. That part of his life is over. He’s slowly finding a new identity for himself outside of soldier, one he thinks he’s going to like.

V’ryss leans her head on his shoulder. “I think there’s a chance Theron is working as a double agent.”

“Shit, really?” Felix asks as he puts his arm around her. “Got any proof?”

“Nothing definitive,” she says. “I’ve tried reaching out with the Force, but it’s almost like nothing is there. But it helps to have a close bond with a person when you’re trying to contact someone and he and I have never been close.”

Felix pats his lap and V’ryss quickly accepts the invitation and moves to straddle him. “What’s your gut tell you?”

V’ryss sighs and closes her eyes, resting her brow against his. “I don’t believe it’s hyperbole to say that the fate of millions of people could rest on this. My gut isn’t exactly a solid source of information.”

“Better than you think, Vee. Your gut helped save the Rift Alliance. Your gut had the crazy idea of keeping me around even after I told you the truth about the holocron.” Felix leans forward and gently kisses her on the lips. “Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Best thing my gut ever did,” V’ryss says with a small smile. Her fingers trace along the tattoo on his neck. She’s always been intrigued by his tattoos. Especially the ones on his torso and thighs. And Felix can’t say he minds at all.

_Commander, we need to leave._

At Lana’s voice, V’ryss stands up and Felix follows her to the door. “Sounds like this is it,” he says, brushing her cheek with a knuckle. “Be safe, sweetheart.”

“I’ll do my best,” she says, leaning in for a kiss.

Well, he’s not about to deny her that, now is he? They kiss, a soft, slow kiss, and then Felix watches her walk away, at ease with watching her leave, knowing he’s not going to follow.

#

Forty-eight hours later, all hell breaks loose.

Felix is in the military hangar bay, talking with Admiral Aygo. They’re working on troop logistics, so they won’t have to rely as much on the Mandalorians and their ships in the future. Tall order, but a challenge that he’s ready for.

Alarms go off all at once. _Executive personnel, get your ass up to the_ Gravestone’s _hanger bay._

Felix isn’t exactly considered to be executive personnel, but if something’s going down, he wants in. Both he and Aygo take off for the hangar bay in a sprint. “What do you think’s going on?” he asks Aygo.

“Nothing good. Probably something dealing with Nathema. Nothing good on that world,” Aygo says.

Hylo’s already got a makeshift ops center set up as Felix runs into the hangar bay. It’s then when he realizes that the _Gravestone_ isn’t where it’s supposed to be. It’s moving slowly over Odessen and considering the only person who’s supposed to fly that monster is on Zakuul right now? This isn’t good.

Hylo shouts out a holo frequency which Felix immediately joins. Right away he can hear V’ryss, Lana, and Theron - apparently playing for the right team after all - talking frantically in low voices.

Felix wants to say something to V’ryss, give her some sort of support, but he knows his voice won’t be welcome right now. Not when the _Gravestone_ looks like it’s going into orbit.

“I don’t like these readings,” Hylo says as she looks at one of the consoles. “Damnit, I wish Koth didn’t take off to Zakuul.”

It’s been a while since he served on a ship, and even then, Felix was Republic Army, not Republic Navy. But he did pick up a thing or two while stationed on the bridge of the _Defender_ for all those years. He points to one of the many blinking red lights, his heart starting to beat outside his chest. “Pretty sure that’s the omni-canon charging.”

“The fleet,” Aygo whispers.

_What was that?_ V’ryss asked. _What_ _’s going on?_

“We think the _Gravestone_ is targeting the Eternal Fleet,” Aygo says.

A voice comes out of Hylo’s comm, not on the same frequency. _We_ _’re abandoning ship!_ It’s a voice that Felix doesn’t recognize, but he can recognize the absolute fear in every word. It’s like it’s suddenly the end of the world on Odessen. And Felix doesn’t like that a damn bit.

Aygo is standing in front of a console, staring at the holoscreen ahead. He looks perfectly calm with his arms crossed over his chest. Felix remembers that clarity, that feeling of peace when there’s about to be a battle ahead. Years ago, back when he was fighting with V’ryss, he tried to walk into a battle with that same mindset. Will it come back to him? Even after not having been in a fight in six years? He’s starting to think it won’t.

Because right now? Felix is scared. He’s scared for V’ryss. He’s scared for Odessen. He’s scared for what the consequences of all of this will be. The one thing he’s not? Scared for himself. Whatever will happen, will happen. He’ll just make sure to do whatever he can to make sure it’s in the Alliance’s favor.

A alarm goes off on Aygo’s console. “That’s the omni-canon. The _Gravestone_ ’s destroyed the Eternal fleet.”

Felix shares a look with Hylo, who clutches a holopad to her chest. “Which means we’re next.”

_All this time, Zildrog was_ _… How is this happening?_

Felix understands Lana’s words, but this is not the fucking time to be in shock. He’s about to call out for an evacuation when he hears V’ryss’s voice. _Hylo, get everyone off Odessen, launch as many shuttles as you can._ They always did have the same mindset for that sort of thing.

“That’s a tall order but I’ll do my best,” Hylo says. She immediately points at him. “Iresso, use that brain we pay you so much for.”

“On it,” Felix says, running over to a console. Not that they actually pay him, but that’s beside the point. The system is on a general alert, telling the people on Odessen to stay put until there are further instructions. “Gonna focus on the kids and civilians first.”

“Just get as many people off the planet as you can,” Hylo says. “And leave your ‘I told you so’ for later.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Felix says as he starts sending messages to pilots to get to their ships. Luckily, there are quite a few ships on the planet right now, between smugglers and military. There’s no way they’re getting everyone off the planet, but if he can get half? He’ll consider that a job well done.

If they somehow make it through this alive? He will absolutely be saying ‘I told you so.’ When he started with logistics, one of the first things he wanted to do was have a plan for a full-scale evacuation of Odessen. The fact that there wasn’t one absolutely boggled his mind. The base had been invaded twice by Zakuul. So Felix lobbied, but no one was ever able to approve the time for him to plan one out and there was always something else to be done.

“We know if the Skytroopers on base are gonna stay loyal to us?” Felix asks over his shoulder. He’s never liked seeing the Skytroopers on Odessen. Brings back to many memories of his time being captured. More than one they used Skytroopers to perform experiments on him over the years. He’s never said anything, instead choosing to give them a wide berth instead.

“Aw, shit, I didn’t even think of that,” Hylo says, stomping her foot. “Iresso, lemme grab you a blaster, just in case.”

Just at the word _blaster,_ Felix freezes. Time to put his money where his mouth is, he supposes. Is he really willing not to pick up a blaster to try to save a life? He sends another message, this time to a group of Zakuulan refugees, telling them to get to the smuggler hangar.

Peace settles over him.

Once upon a time, in the refugee camps, he dreamed of saving the galaxy for the Republic. Now he’ll be content with saving a few thousand lives for the Alliance. He’s just as committed to the Alliance, to V’ryss, as he ever was the Republic. These are his people. And he will gladly lay down his life to see the Alliance thrive. He already knows he won’t be leaving the planet today. He won’t take the spot of someone else who can use it.

He hopes V’ryss will understand. Luckily, Felix is pretty sure she will.

“I’m good, Hylo,” he says, staring at the map of Odessen. Based on heat signatures, he can tell where the most populated areas are. He’s concentrating on getting people out of the areas on the surface now that the kids are off of the planet. Those deep underground have a good chance of living through an attack on the _Gravestone_ , so they’ll be last.

Another message sent, this time to a group of Alliance recruits, a mix of Imperial and Republic soldiers. More lives saved without the use of a blaster.

“No Skytrooper will get through. I swear it.”

At the sound of the former Emperor’s voice, Felix forces himself not to flinch. Arcann just wants to help, just like the rest of them. And right now, they need all the help they can get.

“There’s been no reports so far, so I think we’re good,” Aygo says.

“Yeah, but there were no reports of the _Gravestone_ taking off, so I don’t think we should take our chances,” Hylo says.

Felix keeps working, keeps trying to figure out how to get people off of the planet. He’s sending the ships to leave orbit on the other side of the planet, hopefully out of the _Gravestone_ _’s_ notice. His mind is moving a million miles a minute and he feels just as tired as he would after a battle with V’ryss.

A message comes in. “Shit,” Felix says under his breath. There’s only one thing to do. “Arcann?”

Arcann is by his side almost instantly. “Yes?”

“Section four,” Felix says, pointing out the area on the map in front of him. “Someone panicked and turned off the power. Backups need too much to start up again. Grab any Force user you can and get those doors open so those people can get out.”

“Understood,” Arcann says. “It will be done.”

And just like that, the man is gone. Felix shakes his head in wonder. He just gave an order to someone who once was the most powerful person in the galaxy and Arcann didn’t even hesitate. Maybe when this is all over - assuming they live through it all, of course - maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a beer with the man. He’s not sure about forgiveness yet, but it wouldn’t hurt when it comes to acceptance, right?

He hears Theron talking through the holofrequency, sounds like they might have everything under control over there. Just as Felix lets himself hope, he hears both Lana and V’ryss scream.

_Fuck._

There are some muffled words and then he hears V’ryss. _Your fight is with me, Attrius. No one else has to die._

“Baby, no,” Felix whispers under his breath. He knows it won’t do any good, though. Of course she’s willing to sacrifice herself to save others; she wouldn’t even hesitate. She doesn’t know how to be any other way.

Fighting noises start and Felix switches to the private holofrequency that he and V’ryss share. “Doing okay?” he asks quietly.

V’ryss sounds slightly out of breath and he can hear her lightsaber singing in the background. “The evac?”

Won’t even waste a thought on herself. Felix doesn’t even think it’s possible to love someone more than he loves her at this moment. “Can get about half off the planet. The rest we’re sending underground. Hope that will be enough.”

She cries out and Felix leans forward, gripping the edge of the console, knowing there is absolutely nothing he can do to help her. The last thing V’ryss needs is him asking her what happened, what caused her to yell out, not when she needs to focus on the fight in front of her and not his feelings. Even so, he leaves the holofrequency open. All he can hear is her breathing and the occasional grunt as she fights. But it’s enough.

If Felix is gonna die? He wants her voice to be the last thing he hears.

Time passes and Felix is at the point where there’s no more he can do. He’s somehow managed to give instructions to get almost half of the population off of Odessen and give the rest a fighting chance. V’ryss is still fighting and he closes his eyes, listening to her breathe. The only thing he wants right now is for her to survive this fight. He needs nothing more in life, just let her _live._

“We need to get underground, Iresso,” Hylo says.

Just then V’ryss shouts something and all of the consoles light up around them like a Life Day tree. Felix immediately switches his holofrequency to the group channel, so he can hear more of what’s going on.

“The _Gravestone_ _’s_ been destroyed,” Aygo calls out. Felix leans forward, hands on his knees, his tension uncoiling like a spring. If the _Gravestone_ was destroyed, they were safe.

“Well, shit,” Hylo says. “Koth’s gonna be cranky when he gets back.” She turns and looks at Felix. “Guess you can tell everyone to come on back.”

“Gladly,” Felix says, straightening up.

He wants to send a message to V’ryss, wants to make sure she’s okay - that’s a lot of fighting she just did - but he holds off. V’ryss is talking to that Attrius punk, so he waits. Too bad it’s a two day trip before she’s back on Odessen. Gonna be a couple of lonely nights without her.

“I’ll make sure Zakuul gets their prisoner,” Hylo says. She shakes her head. “Good thing I had a backup team on the planet. Knew Beniko wouldn’t like it. But this? Trusting the end of the galaxy to two people? Not on my watch.”

Another moment passes and Felix concentrates on sending messages. Again. Well, these messages are certainly better than the ones he sent before. But they’re important ones. Got to make sure everyone who left the planet doesn’t try to come back at the same time. Some shuttles he’s going to have to leave in orbit while others land.

And not to mention they’re going to have to figure out what to do about all the space debris that’s now floating outside of Odessen. They’ll need to get on top of that at once, otherwise scavengers will be out in force trying to get any tech they can from the Eternal Fleet. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes it’ll be an absolute logistical nightmare. He’ll have to plan out security details, their own scavenging force, plus a-

_Felix?_

It’s V’ryss’s voice on their private holofrequency and all of this thoughts are pushed aside. “Sweetheart?” he says, not even caring who over hears him. “You okay?”

_I_ _’ll be better once I’ve had a kolto pack,_ she says and V’ryss sounds absolutely exhausted. _And maybe a nap._ _And I wouldn_ _’t say no to some chocolate after that._

“That’s my girl,” Felix says quietly. He’ll make sure he has plenty of chocolate waiting for her here on Odessen. “And Theron?”

Enough time passes that he assumes she’s having a couple of conversations at once. Felix wonders if he should bow out and let her concentrate. They can always talk once she’s settled on the shuttle. But then she says, _He_ _’ll be in a kolto tank in a couple of minutes. Hopefully that will be enough for now._

“Good to hear,” Felix says.

There’s no delay this time. _Felix?_ _From what Hylo just told me, sounds like you would have saved a lot of lives if things went differently. I_ _’m really proud of you._

The words wash over him and Felix finds himself tearing up a bit. Silly, he knows, to tear up over this, but coming from V’ryss? Those words mean _everything_. “Thank you, Vee. And thanks for saving our asses once again.”

He hears her tired laugh through the holofrequency and smiles. _I love you._

“I love you, too,” Felix says.

_The shuttle is here. I_ _’ll message once we’re on the way back. We’ll be back on Odessen soon._

“I’ll be waiting for you when you do,” Felix says. Doesn’t matter what time of night or day her shuttle comes in.

He’ll be waiting. With chocolate.


	8. Chapter 8

The cantina is almost empty now.

Felix looks around, hands behind his back. Traders and merchants? Gone. Alliance members laughing and relaxing after another day of trying to save the galaxy? Gone. The loud music? The festive atmosphere? The feeling of hope when you walk inside? Gone, gone, and gone.

Well, the hope’s still there. A little bit of it anyway. The Alliance hasn’t completely disappeared, just is in the process of changing a bit. Okay, a changing a lot.

Odessen’s become almost a ghost town now. When the facade came down and people realized just how fragile the Alliance’s really hold was? Planet after planet left and as much as he believed in the Alliance - believed in _V_ _’ryss_ \- he can’t say he blamed them. Some went back to the Imperial Empire or the Republic. Most say they’re going to stay independent. Whatever it is, Felix doesn’t think it’s gonna be pretty. Resources across the galaxy are scarce right now. Both the Imps and the Pubs are going to want those worlds, and more importantly, those resources, back.

And Felix has a feeling that they’ll use force if they have to.

But this is not a night for worrying about what ifs. This is a night for celebrating the people left in the Alliance. Felix walks into the back of the cantina where everyone is milling around. Koth, who still hasn’t recovered from losing the _Gravestone,_ is standing behind the bar. Theron and Lana are sitting at the counter. Oh, and who was right about those two? Felix was. Lana spilled the beans to V’ryss not too long ago, as part of an apology for how she handled the situation. Arcann is talking in the corner, talking to Hylo and Gault. Felix is pretty sure Arcann is broke, so he’s surprised Gault’s taking the time to talk to the man. Nothing left to con there. Qyzen and a few of his Warstalkers are in a corner. The Trandoshan refuses to serve anyone other than the Herald at this point.

Thinking about Qyzen makes Felix wonder for the millionth time where in the galaxy Nadia, Zenith, and Tharan are hiding. He’s tried to find them. He contacted Nadia’s home planet and they don’t seem to know where she is. The Balmorran government lists Zenith as MIA. As for Tharan and Holiday? Holiday’s smart enough that if they don’t want to be found, they won’t be. He just hopes that eventually they decide to join the land of living.

Speaking of, that’s exactly where Felix wants to be tonight. In the land of the living.

V’ryss is sitting at a table, dressed in casual clothes, her hair up in a messy bun, as she talks to Jorgan. There’s a seat between them, which means they probably kept it free for him, as the rest of the table is full. Little touches like that still mean a lot, even after all this time. Funny how special it makes him feel that he’s important enough to people to save a seat.

“What are we drinking?” Felix asks as he sits down in the chair he assumes is his.

V’ryss simply reaches out and puts her hand on his cheek. He worries about her, especially now. She threw herself whole-heartedly into the Alliance and now that the rug’s been pulled out from under her. Won’t be easy, but he’ll do whatever he can to help ease the fall.

“Jorgan here’s convinced me to try some Corellian whiskey,” V’ryss says, holding up her half-full glass in a mock toast.

“Pretty sure there was no convincing needed, Commander,” Jorgan says with a snort. He throws back his own glass in one smooth motion and pounds it down on the table. He stands. “I’m grabbing another. You in, Iresso?”

“Damn right I am,” Felix says with a grin. Once Jorgan’s out of earshot and he’s sure the other people at the table aren’t paying attention to them, he adds, “Doing okay?”

Tomorrow they’ll be taking the _Defender_ back into Republic space, trying to make nice with the Republic. He’s not sure what’s going to happen next; he does know that if V’ryss had a choice, she’d work with Grandmaster Satele to rebuild the Jedi Order. But these days, it doesn’t really feel like V’ryss gets a say in what happens next.

“About as well as can be expected,” she says, closing her eyes. “But I’m ready. I never wanted this, whatever,” she waves, indicating the room around her, “this has become. I never wanted the throne. I never wanted any of this.”

“I know, Vee,” Felix says, putting his hand on her knee. “I know.”

A couple Felix doesn’t recognize leave the table and head towards the dance floor. The music might not be loud, but it has a strong beat and plenty of people are dancing. Feels like a lifetime ago when he used to cut loose in a club to let off some steam. He can’t even remember the last time he danced.

Lana and Theron fill the empty spots almost immediately. “Commander,” Lana says quietly.

“Lana, please. It’s just V’ryss, now,” V’ryss says. She takes another sip of her drink. “If I ever hold another title it will be too soon.”

“You’ve come around to my way of thinking, I see,” Lana say with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Felix wonders what the story is there. V’ryss has made it clear she’s going to work with the Republic, and Lana’s willing to go along for the ride. Wouldn’t surprise Felix at all if V’ryss tries to convince Lana to join the Jedi as well. Now that would be a sight to see. Lana Beniko, Jedi. Somehow, he thinks it’s not gonna happen.

A silence, not a comfortable one, settles over the table. Felix still isn’t all that thrilled with Theron - there had to be a way to warn V’ryss without going rogue - but V’ryss won’t hear a word against the man. Finally Theron clears his throat. “Iresso, you get a chance to look at my message yet?”

Felix nods slowly. It’s an interesting proposal, what Theron wants to do. Just because Attrius is in custody and Zildrog’s destroyed, doesn’t mean the galaxy is safe from the Order of Zildrog. There are plenty of fanatics left who want to bring Zakuul back to what they say is it’s rightful place in the galaxy.

And Theron wants to burn them all to the ground. Well, Felix doesn’t think he means literally, but after everything the man went through, Felix isn’t a hundred percent sure.

Jorgan comes back to the table then, a bottle of whiskey under his arm and a stack of five glasses. The drinks quickly are doled out and Felix tries not to grimace as he throws back his drink. Whiskey’s never been his drink of choice.

“What message?” V’ryss asks as she leans into him slightly. That’s his girl, always wanting to protect him, even if it’s just from datawork.

“Theron wants to find any last splinter groups of the Order,” Felix says. He puts his arm around V’ryss, simply because he can. “They’re probably scrambling right now and that’s when people make mistakes. The first thing they’ll need is a base. And with a base, they’ll need supplies and transports to bring workers. That can be masked, but only to an extent.”

“Like what we did setting up the base here on Odessen,” Lana says, resting her chin on her hand. “I can’t even tell you the amount of credits we needed to bribe shuttle pilots and corporations so they would delete their manifestos. Until we got Yuun’s shield in place, I always worried we were leaving a trail a parsec long.”

“And seeing Iresso here has become the go to person for logistics, he’s got a better chance of sniffing them out than anyone,” Theron says. “The sooner we stop these guys, the less of a chance there is that they’ll actually get a new foothold.”

Felix lets out a breath. “Still gonna be rough,” he says. “Considering how quickly they gained a following last time? I’ll do my best.”

“Can’t ask for more,” Theron says. “I’ll give you all my intel on the Order. Let’s make sure they don’t rise up again.”

The music changes and the steady beat disappears, leaving a slow, breezy number in its wake. Felix has no desire to talk shop any longer, not on a night where they’re all supposed to relax. So instead of continuing the conversation, Felix holds out his hand to V’ryss. “Care to risk it?” he asks in a low voice.

Her smile is answer enough as she puts her hand in his. “Gladly,” she says.

Neither one of them say a word as they leave the table. Let them all deal with the reality of the state of the galaxy without V’ryss for a moment. With the slow song, the dance floor has cleared out a bit, but not enough to feel self-conscious. Even so, he leads them to the corner, where they hopefully won’t have every eye in the place staring at them.

Felix puts his hands on either side of her waist, while she rests her hands on his shoulders. He supposes what they’re doing isn’t even dancing, more just swaying side to side, reminding him of some of the awkward dances the refugee camp set up when he was a teenager. But having V’ryss in his arms is never awkward. Anything but.

His lips brush her temple as they dance. There’s so much he wants to say, sometimes it feels like there’s simply not enough room in his heart for all the words. But he’ll try. He’ll always try his best. Leaning back, just enough so he can clearly see V’ryss’s face, Felix says, “When we were reunited, I know I said I’d fight for you…”

It’s something that’s been heavy on his mind as he transitions from soldier to layman. He might shy away from holding a rifle, but he still needs to be there for V’ryss. Luckily he’s starting to realize there’s more than one way to win a fight.

“You are fighting for me,” V’ryss says, placing her hand on his cheek. “Fighting doesn’t have to mean you’re holding a blaster. It can be exactly what you’re doing now.”

“Playing hide and go seek with some bad guys doesn’t exactly feel like fighting,” Felix says with a laugh. But she’s right. He’ll be fighting with spreadsheets and data instead of rifles and kolto packs. A completely different way to fight a war, one that might even be more interesting to him. “But I get it.”

“Good,” V’rss says. “Because your support means everything to me, Felix.” She lowers her chin, just enough for Felix to take advantage and rest his brow against hers. “The Alliance might change, might disappear, but us? I don’t want us to ever change like that.”

Now that’s something he can absolutely get behind. “We won’t, baby,” he whispers.

“What if…” V’ryss takes a breath and he can tell she’s a bit nervous. But then she looks him straight in the eye. “What if we made things more permanent?”

The swaying stops. He looks down at her. “You asking me to marry you?” Felix asks, not even trying to keep the grin off his face.

Technically, they were engaged almost ten years ago, even going as far to start planning a wedding. Discreet and small. But then V’ryss was named to the Jedi High Council and everything changed. Suddenly she felt she couldn’t be seen flaunting the Jedi Code like she was. They stayed together, in secret, but any talk of marriage ended. Always stung a little bit. It’s why he’s not even thought to ask her since they’ve been reunited.

“You know what? I am,” she says. “I don’t quite know what I am any more, but I do know I’m not a Jedi. And I don’t need to live by a code that I disagree with. Attachments make me stronger. _You_ make me stronger.”

Felix puts his hands on her cheeks looks at this amazing woman whose orbit he’s been in for more than twelve years. He can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else, can’t imagine wanting to love anyone else. “Then let’s get married,” he says.

V’ryss breaks out into a smile brighter than going into hyperdrive. “Let’s get married,” she repeats with a laugh, wrapping her arms around his waist.

They kiss, probably longer than they should in public, but Felix doesn’t even care. All that matters is that one day, probably soon, they’ll pledge eternity to each other in front of their friends. He can’t wait.

“We’ll get married and we’ll find somewhere to call home,” V’ryss says, her voice eager. “Somewhere just for us.”

Felix kisses her again, this time just short and sweet. He could be cheesy and tell her that she’s his home — which would be the absolutely truth. He hoped to find home on Odessen when it turned out he already had one. But he gets what she means. He’s not lived in a house since before the refugee camps and he knows it’s the same for V’ryss.

Finding somewhere they can call _theirs_ , seems like a dream. One they can actually make into a reality. Already he starts thinking of different planets that might work. But there’s plenty of time for that. For now, he wants to celebrate. Him. Her. The Alliance. Every damn good thing out there in the galaxy.

A couple of years ago, strapped to a torture table, Felix was pretty sure that there was no goodness left. How glad he is to be wrong. And he’s going to do his damnedest to help V’ryss spread a little bit of the goodness across the galaxy. The people of the galaxy deserve no less.

“Come on,” Felix says, draping his arm around V’ryss’s shoulders. He kisses her temple. “Let’s go tell our friends the good news.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to know your thoughts. :D


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